Archive for the ‘Family’ Category

I almost missed something sweet and endearing the other day.

I was so busy that I didn't even see the beauty in it until later that night.

In my previous post, I mentioned that my oldest daughter was celebrating her sweet 16. Well, it seems like we've been having endless celebrations ever since.

As I was running through the house prepping this and cleaning that in an attempt to have everything ready for her party, my youngest was in my room, rummaging through my drawers.

When I tried to open the door to my room, she quickly slammed it and told me I wasn't allowed in.

I wasn't amused.

I barged in anyway.

Paper letters and torn up raffle tickets were scattered all over my bedroom floor.

Not wanting to deal with it, I demanded her to "Clean this up right now!" and I stormed off.

The day went on at a dizzying pace.

Guests arrived, pizza was served, cupcakes were decorated, "Happy Birthday" was sung, presents were opened, guests departed and...woohoo!...it was over.

Finally! The day was done and it was bedtime. Yay.

I ushered everyone into their beds and breathed a sigh of relief.

I walked into my room and saw this:

I can't believe I got mad at her for this!

I feel like such a tool.

Sometimes, I think back to my teenage days and shake my head.
I can’t believe I did that.
I can’t believe I worried so much about something so trivial.
I can’t believe I got wrapped up in all that drama.

Today, my daughter is celebrating her sweet 16.
As I watch her walk through all the stages of her life, I can't help but think back to my footsteps of years gone by.

Is she anything like my 16-year-old self?

My lovely daughter, in honour of your milestone birthday, I dedicate this post to you, because I too was 16 once...

Enjoy the friends you have today, but don't be so into them that you don't allow new friends into your circle. If you can look back at your high school photos 10 years from now and say that even half of those friends are still in your life, you are truly blessed.

Study hard and do the best possible work you can do, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t make the honour roll.  Doing your absolute best counts so much more than the numbers on the paper.

Look presentable, but don’t put too much emphasis on your looks. True friends look past the exterior and into your core. Spend more time working on your internal beauty.

From the time you earn your very first paycheque, always put some money aside for your future. You may think it’s so far away, but in reality, it's really not.

Whoever you date should be your friend first. Love the person you are when you’re with him. You should feel confident in knowing that you’re the only one he’s thinking about. Anything less just won’t do.

And lastly,
Always follow your heart.
It won’t lead you down the wrong path.
Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

I promise you that.

What would you say to your 16-year-old self?

Last week, my 7-year-old daughter told me I was the worst mom ever – all because she thought I had eaten the last heart-shape Krispy Kreme doughnut. In reality, I had packed it in her lunch bag along with a little note as a special Valentine's Day treat.

Needless to say, she ruined the surprise that morning and sent me on a path of self-doubt.

Why do I even bother?

I shared this dilemma with our Canadian Living Facebook friends and asked them if they'd ever been considered "the worst mom ever." Am I ever glad I did!

Below are a few responses that helped me realize that, not only am I not alone, I'm part of a club: "The Worst Mom Ever" Club.

That's my job... I'm not the best friend... I am the "mom" and that means being (on a regular basis) the "worst mom ever!"/Michelle Park

I have 3 – 17, 18, 20 – and I'm the mother from hell LOL./Kim Gibson Gott

My 9-year-old says that to me all the time when I tell him Xbox or computer time is over./Nicole Peetsma Epker

You just reminded me to put my daughter's sweater in the dryer for today's use... I would probably get that..../Connie Gall

I'm not perfect. I forget things sometimes. This is not acceptable to my 7-year-old./Lea Langsuyar

My daughter was a beautiful daughter until she turned 12, and then another person took over./Evelyn Escalona

More times than I can count! Part of the job of parenting is being considered terrible – if not, probably not doing my job that well./Fiona Brownlee

Oh yeah... I alternate regularly from being mean to being the best. I guess that means I'm doing OK./Suzanne Gabriel

Yes – it's then that I know I'm being a good "parent," not a friend./Michelle Zimmer

I'm the worst mom ever at least once a week. But on the bright side, the rest of the time, I get to be the Best Mom Ever./Luana McDonald

About 20 minutes ago lol!/Susannah Teney

What mother hasn't?/Nadine Martin

Apparently, I'm not the only one wearing "the worst mom ever" hat and I'm happy to say, I'm in good company.

Oh, and by the way, I know why I bother.... Because every "You're the worst mom ever" is trumped by a "You're the best mom ever."

Besides, as fiesty as she is, I love that little munchkin all the way to the moon and back.

I feel like I've been waiting by the phone but you never called.

I had so many plans for us.

We were going to spend countless hours together.
We were going to join you down on the frozen pond on Sunday afternoons.
We were going to get our sleds out and giggle all the way down the snowy hills.
We were going to build you a new friend, complete with button eyes and carrot nose.

We were going to have fun. Lots of it.

We used to have so much fun together.

But...

you never called.

And...

I'm not waiting anymore.

I was sooo looking forward to your arrival.
When you didn't show up in November, I thought you were just late.

I was patient.
You were worth waiting for.

But we're halfway through February now and, still, you're a no-show.

I'm going to try to put this behind me.
I'm going to put you out of mind and look forward to spring.
I'm going to tell myself that you're not worth it.
But deep down inside, we both know that isn't true.
I don't think I'll ever get over the winter that never came.

I miss you.

Let's give this another chance.
I'll be patiently waiting by the phone next November.

Please don't leave me hanging.

You carefully track your kids around the playroom, armed with your point-and-shoot camera, waiting for that magic moment when they'll hold still for one second. Just. One. Second. Pleeeease? Hold it, and snap!

You got the shot, only to review it a few seconds later and find that's it's a whirl of blur. Artistic, maybe. But not exactly something you can send to Grandma and Grandpa. It happens to the best of us, doesn't it?

Whether you're an amateur or a professional, mastering a few photography basics can make more of your snapshots worthy of framing and displaying. The following pro tips from Toronto-based photographer, Jennifer Pearson, will help you to take better photos starting...now.

1. Motion
It may seem counter-intuitive, but holding your camera as still as possible, while tracking your moving subject, can keep your subject in focus. That's what I didn't do right in this shot:

Moving traffic on Toronto's Gardiner Expressway blurs while the sunset remains clear with a steady hand. Photo by Jen Melo

Had I tracked the traffic with my camera as it zoomed by, I could've gotten a clearer shot of the cars, but that probably would've blurred the lovely sunset. And so, I learned, every shot is a photography lesson.

According to Pearson, manually adjusting camera settings in favour of a quick shutter speed (choose a higher number) can help you to capture your action shots at their best. And that's probably what I should've done to get a clearer shot of the zooming cars. Noted for next time.

But video just might be the best way to capture the action, so consider shooting video clips too. Had I spent more time with my new Panasonic Lumix GF3X's instruction manual, I'd have known that it has an auto-focus function that can lock its focus on a subject while in video mode, and gradually shift its focus to another moving subject at my fingertip's command.

2. Lighting

Light and shadows add dimension to my treasured hibiscus bloom, non? Photo by Jen Melo

Whether you're shooting with a flash indoors or outside in natural lighting, know where your light is and pay attention to those shadows.

When photographing outdoors seek "open shade," a photographer's trick for ensuring a flattering photo. Position your subject under an awning for example, with the sun behind you, and over your shoulder. This magical lighting can help make your subject's eyes look bright and vivid while eliminating squinting and distracting shadows.

When shooting indoors and flash is too harsh, consider manually adjusting your camera's exposure setting or directing the flash upwards, "bouncing" it off a low, light-coloured ceiling.

3. Framing
"Pay attention to your background," says Pearson. "It can make or break your shot."

Look for simple and/or interesting backgrounds like a brick wall, for example, to make your subject stand out. For picture-perfect results, look for natural or architectural borders and frames such as archways and door frames.

You can find plenty of framing options at playgrounds too, but if you want to avoid having a bunch of strangers' kids in your shot, follow Pearson's advice: "Get there early."

4. Composition
Experiment with the rule of thirds. Break up your frame into thirds vertically and horizontally. As you look through the viewfinder or at your camera's LCD screen, align your subject with the lines or place a focal point such as a person's eyes where the lines intersect. "It can make for a more interesting shot," Pearson explains.

5. Creativity
With digital photography enabling you to photograph and delete without incurring film and photo processing costs (remember those days?), dare to try various approaches and unleash your creativity. Alternate close-up shots with wide shots, people and objects, to help tell a story. Use photo filter options (if available on your camera) and see your photos in new and different ways.

More expert photography tips:

• Play with angles. Shoot from above, below and on the same level as your subject.
• Forget the fake smiles and try some candid shots. Avoid instructing, "smile!" before every shot. Some of Pearson's most "soulful" portraits come from natural facial expressions, free from coaching.
• Use the grid feature on your camera's view, not only to work with the rule of thirds, but also to use the straight lines as guides. Say goodbye to crooked shots of horizons or tall buildings.
• I've said it before but it's worth repeating. Read your camera's instruction manual and take time to get to know your camera's settings. There could be plenty of unexplored features just waiting to turn your photos into wonderful works of art. Or at least some answers on how to find that shutter speed setting that'll help you to get that perfect portrait of your active child.

Motion shots are my biggest challenges so some of my favourite subjects -- kids and pets -- are commonly the sources of my photo woes but I'm learning more with every shot I take.

And now, I'd love to hear your thoughts on your most common photography challenges so please post a comment below. Would you rather photograph a squirmy two-year old or a hyperactive dog? How about shooting both the dog and the kid together? I welcome -- and look forward to -- your photography tips.

This week's blog is a guest post from Wendy Graves, our senior Life editor.  – Teresa

Who has time to sit down for a family dinner anymore?

Between two busy working parents and kids running off to hockey practice one night then piano lessons the next, how often is the entire family even home at the same time?

So eating a meal together? At the same table? Even a couple times a week? That’s crazy talk.

Family dinners aren't as common as they use to be (image by Nordiska museet via Flickr).

Researchers at the Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University in New York City have studied the importance of family mealtime extensively. Here are just 2 of their rather sobering findings:
• Teens who have fewer than 3 family dinners per week are nearly twice as likely to report receiving mostly C’s or lower grades compared to those who have 5 to 7 meals a week.
• Teens who have fewer than 3 family dinners are twice as likely to have used tobacco, nearly twice as likely to have used alcohol, and one and a half times likelier to have used marijuana.

And at least two other studies have shown the nutritional benefits of eating together:
• Families eat more healthfully, regularly getting higher intakes of calcium, fibre, iron and vitamins B6, B12, C and E (Archives of Family Medicine).
• Children eat more fruits and veggies and less unhealthy snack foods (Journal of American Dietetic Association).

One study has shown that kids who have dinner regularly with their family eat more fruit (image by Rick McCharles via Flickr).

And even without scientific studies we know that family mealtime will:
• Give kids the chance to talk with their parents and siblings, which will not only expand their vocab beyond what they’re learning in school but also teach them about the give-and-take of conversation.
• Give parents the chance to keep up to date on their kids’ activities, who they’re hanging out with and whether their moods or behaviours are swinging like a pendulum.

Here are 5 ways you can make family mealtime easier for you and yours:
1. Turn Sunday into Family Cooking Day. Double a favourite recipe or two and set yourself up for quick, hot meals later in the week. Get the kids involved as well – they’re more likely to eat something they had a hand in preparing (pizza, anyone?). Here are a few of our favourite family meals.

2. No time to spend the whole day in the kitchen? Why not take advantage of Supperworks, a meal-preparation service that allows you to put a healthy and delicious meal on your family’s plate. In two hours you can prepare up to a dozen freezable entrées, all with fresh and nutritious ingredients. The Bring Your Child Sessions allow you to make it a family affair. Best of all? Somebody else does the dishes. While Supperworks locations are currently only in Ontario, they can deliver anywhere in Canada.

3. On nights when your son or daughter has hockey practice, pack up the meal (it can be as simple as sandwiches, veggie sticks and fruit or yogurt) and have a picnic at the arena.

4. Teach your teens a handful of easy recipes – something simple that doesn’t even require the stove – that they can make when they get home from school so everyone can sit down together once you're home from work. Or have the kids assemble the ingredients of an easy one-pot dish (our online food editor, Colleen Tully, suggests this delicious Roasted Vegetable Pasta Bake) that you can pop in the oven when you step in the door. (It's never too early to encourage your kids to be active in the kitchen.)

5. Pick up a serving or two of the prepared but nutritious food, such as a roast chicken, at the grocery store. Serve some mixed veggies as a healthy side.

Do you have a secret to making mealtimes easier for your family?

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
(A verse from the poem Baby's don't keep by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton)

The recent birth of a friend's new baby and my attempt to organize a bin full of old photos found me taking a trip down memory lane.

I remember feeling so busy, overwhelmed, frustrated and ohhhhh so sleep-deprived when the kids were in their infant and toddler years. I remember saying many times, "I can't wait until they're past this stage."

And now as I sit here today, I'm finding myself looking at photos of pudgy little faces and wishing I could turn back time.

I wish the more relaxed, confident me of today could go back into those photos of yesteryear, grab hold of those babies and mother them all over again - this time with the newfound knowledge that only time and experience can provide.

Oh how I loved those baby booties

Well, I can't go back. I can only pay it forward.
And so...
To my new mom friend and to all new and expectant moms,

If I could turn back time...

I would worry less and love more. I wouldn't allow my baby to cry out for me from her crib because I was told that she needed to learn to soothe herself to sleep when all I wanted to do was hold her close.

I wouldn't feel frustrated that my 10 month old was still nursing through the night. Instead, I would look at those 3 a.m. moments as a blessing, as special bonding times between just the two of us.

I wouldn't care that the dishes needed to be done or that dinner needed to be prepped. I would cuddle my baby and enjoy a little peaceful slumber in the middle of the afternoon without a care in the world.

I would listen to everyone's well-intended advice but in the end, I would follow my heart and I would allow myself to just sit and stare and love my baby without feeling guilty about what I really should be doing. Laundry be damned.

I wouldn't have thought twice about how I could ever love another child as much as the first during my second pregnancy. I would have known that as soon as I laid eyes on him, my heart would instantly grow.

I wouldn't be so quick to rush them out of their bassinets, their high chairs, their cribs, their bottles, their strollers. They'll get there soon enough.

I know that now.

...if only I could turn back time.

September is like New Years for me.

The kids are back in school, fresh start, filled with hopes and new adventures.

Both my boys are in school for the first time this year.

Yeah! Junior Kindergarden and First Grade - here they come.

This time of the year I start thinking about their futures - and what early steps we can do now to ensure a better chance for them.

So, step one is considering a RESP -

Registered Education Savings Plan- a tax deferred investment. The federal government matches 20 per cent of your contributions up to a maximum of $500 per year.

Education can be expensive.

Benefits: A tax-sheltered education savings account.  Money earned isn't taxed until it is withdrawn by the beneficiary.  Since most students have limited income, they will likely pay very little tax..

Your Options.  If you child decides not to continue his/her education you can withdraw the earnings in cash.  Do note you will have to then pay the tax on that amount.  Or, your plan may allow you to transfer to another sibling.

1.  Do a little research online at  Human Resources and Skills Development. So you can ask the right questions, specific to your family's needs, to your financial institution when you're ready.

2. Apply for your child's Social Insurance Number at Service Canada There is no charge for the application.

3. Open an RESP account. Book an appointment with your financial institution to discuss what best suits your family.  Before you commit, please make sure you understand all your options.

For more information call 1-800-O-Canada (1-800-622-6232)

One step at a time.

Do you already contribute to a RESP's or have your own savings plan in motion?

Already...
It's time to put away the sand toys, beach towels and swim suits.
It's time to replace them with backpacks, fall sweaters and new sneakers.
It's time to set the alarm clocks once again and it's time to get back to routine.

The kids are headed back to school.

We sat down and took an inventory of all their school supplies.
Yay, all their backpacks are in great shape.
No need to shop for new ones this year.
I throw their pencil cases in the washing machine and they come out looking as good as new.
We spend the better part of the morning sharpening pencils.
Wow. How did we ever accumulate so many?
We're definitely not shopping for any of those.

At the end of the day, the only things on my shopping list was lunch bags, lined paper and refillable juice cups.

It's the only thing that made me happy.

Sigh.

As the years go by, I'm becoming less and less excited about the ring of the back to school bell.

The kids seem soooo much older on the first day of school.
Watching them head out the door with fresh sneakers and new haircuts always makes me think of the years gone by.
How little they were the year before...
How tall they've gotten...
How much more mature they seem.

Am I crazy?

Please tell me you feel the same way too.
Please tell me I'm not the only one that greets the beginning of a new school year with a touch of sadness.
Please tell me I'm not the only one not rejoicing after walking away from the schoolyard that first day.

Please tell me I'm not alone here.

Here's a great guest post by Lisa Fielding, the copy chief at Canadian Living and a new mom to nine-month-old Archie. After filling out Archie's baby book, Lisa wanted to find out more about her family roots. Here's a little of what she learned. – Wendy

When I started to research my family history, I was skeptical that it would be very interesting – all I thought I’d find was a bunch of names, dates and places. It became clear, though, once I started digging, that it wasn’t just about compiling a list of basic facts: it was about uncovering the day-to-day details of our ancestors’ lives, piecing them back together to make a wonderful story.

I connected with a distant cousin, Gail, through Facebook, and she sent me a few old photos of my great grandpa. Long before I was born, he had lost his hands working on hydro lines in Ontario – and one of the photos Gail sent showed him before the accident. If I had never asked my family to dig into their photo albums, I might never have seen it. It was wonderful to think of him as a young man, working to build the province into what it is today.

There are lots of little details I discovered once I started to really read some of the documents I found online. WWI draft papers showed that many of my ancestors were farmers by trade (which I knew), and that many were Methodist (which I didn’t).

Census records not only noted who lived in each house and their ages, but who their neighbours were as well. When someone got married, the certificate had the witnesses’ signatures, sometimes another couple they were friends with; birth records showed the father’s occupation (machinist, telegrapher), though not the mother’s. So I got a sense of not only the major life events, but also what my relatives did for fun, who they hung out with, what their daily lives were like. It made them more real.

Researching your family history can be a massive undertaking if you really want it to be – or it can just be fun to poke around on the Internet and see what’s out there. I’d like to keep working on it and one day compile a huge scrapbook for my son and future generations, so that they might know not only our names, dates and places, but what we did for fun on a Friday night as well.

Here are some links to get you started on your search.
• Ancestry.ca – their resources include the Canadian census (as well as English, Welsh and Scottish ones), passenger lists, and birth, marriage and death records
• Globalgenealogy.com – they sell various genealogy resources, including books and e-books, as well as family tree charts and magnifiers
• Library and Archives Canada – their resources include immigration and land records, as well as birth, marriage and death records

Have you checked out your family’s roots online? Did you discover something new about your family?