Posts Tagged ‘parenting’

Sometimes, I think back to my teenage days and shake my head.
I can’t believe I did that.
I can’t believe I worried so much about something so trivial.
I can’t believe I got wrapped up in all that drama.

Today, my daughter is celebrating her sweet 16.
As I watch her walk through all the stages of her life, I can't help but think back to my footsteps of years gone by.

Is she anything like my 16-year-old self?

My lovely daughter, in honour of your milestone birthday, I dedicate this post to you, because I too was 16 once...

Enjoy the friends you have today, but don't be so into them that you don't allow new friends into your circle. If you can look back at your high school photos 10 years from now and say that even half of those friends are still in your life, you are truly blessed.

Study hard and do the best possible work you can do, but don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t make the honour roll.  Doing your absolute best counts so much more than the numbers on the paper.

Look presentable, but don’t put too much emphasis on your looks. True friends look past the exterior and into your core. Spend more time working on your internal beauty.

From the time you earn your very first paycheque, always put some money aside for your future. You may think it’s so far away, but in reality, it's really not.

Whoever you date should be your friend first. Love the person you are when you’re with him. You should feel confident in knowing that you’re the only one he’s thinking about. Anything less just won’t do.

And lastly,
Always follow your heart.
It won’t lead you down the wrong path.
Be true to yourself and everything else will fall into place.

I promise you that.

What would you say to your 16-year-old self?

The cleaning and scrubbing can wait till tomorrow,
But children grow up, as I've learned to my sorrow.
So quiet down cobwebs; Dust go to sleep!
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep.
(A verse from the poem Baby's don't keep by Ruth Hulbert Hamilton)

The recent birth of a friend's new baby and my attempt to organize a bin full of old photos found me taking a trip down memory lane.

I remember feeling so busy, overwhelmed, frustrated and ohhhhh so sleep-deprived when the kids were in their infant and toddler years. I remember saying many times, "I can't wait until they're past this stage."

And now as I sit here today, I'm finding myself looking at photos of pudgy little faces and wishing I could turn back time.

I wish the more relaxed, confident me of today could go back into those photos of yesteryear, grab hold of those babies and mother them all over again - this time with the newfound knowledge that only time and experience can provide.

Oh how I loved those baby booties

Well, I can't go back. I can only pay it forward.
And so...
To my new mom friend and to all new and expectant moms,

If I could turn back time...

I would worry less and love more. I wouldn't allow my baby to cry out for me from her crib because I was told that she needed to learn to soothe herself to sleep when all I wanted to do was hold her close.

I wouldn't feel frustrated that my 10 month old was still nursing through the night. Instead, I would look at those 3 a.m. moments as a blessing, as special bonding times between just the two of us.

I wouldn't care that the dishes needed to be done or that dinner needed to be prepped. I would cuddle my baby and enjoy a little peaceful slumber in the middle of the afternoon without a care in the world.

I would listen to everyone's well-intended advice but in the end, I would follow my heart and I would allow myself to just sit and stare and love my baby without feeling guilty about what I really should be doing. Laundry be damned.

I wouldn't have thought twice about how I could ever love another child as much as the first during my second pregnancy. I would have known that as soon as I laid eyes on him, my heart would instantly grow.

I wouldn't be so quick to rush them out of their bassinets, their high chairs, their cribs, their bottles, their strollers. They'll get there soon enough.

I know that now.

...if only I could turn back time.

My son had just turned 11 when he asked if he could go trick-or-treating on his own.

Hummmmm.
I had to think about it.
I contemplated my decision:

1. He was planning on going with a group of friends I knew well.
2. He'd been walking to and from school on his own for over a year.
3. He was very familiar with the neighbourhood (ohhhh, the cycling adventures).
4. He seemed responsible enough.

I felt confident he was ready.

There was only thing that had me feeling a little uneasy... he'd never been out after dark on his own.

Going that extra step in allowing our kids to roam the streets after dark can be a daunting one.

But sometimes, I think we are our own worst enemy.

We envision all that could go wrong and we want to protect our children from the evils of the world. We're afraid to just let them be and in the process are not allowing them to be their free-thinking, carefree selves.

I'm not saying that we should just send them out there and hope for the best.

They need to be prepared.

We need to talk to them about looking both ways before crossing the street, to beware of strangers, to always walk with a buddy and to trust in their own instincts.

But eventually we have to have faith in our children, hope that our words did not go unheard and let them go out there and experience it for themselves.

We have to allow them the opportunity to be able to make their own decisions (right or wrong) and to problem solve on the fly. We have to hope that we've done our job well and that they can handle themselves and situations with confidence.

And what better night to test the waters than on Halloween.
The streets are filled with little ghosts and goblins. There are parents on every corner. The porch lights are on, the candy is overflowing and the neighbourhood has never been more inviting.

So, very confidently, I let him go.

I had nothing to fear.

What do you feel is the right age to let your child trick-or-treat on their own?

Image by Mindful One via Flickr

Part 2 is You're never too young to...Give and Be Thankful;

My kids are not perfect - sometimes they behave in a way that I'm not proud of. But every time that happens I reinforce and remind them of how fortunate they are.

They have grandparents who still have the energy to take them to the park - or at least pretend to.  Because I know - how tired they really are.

So please kids - listen to your grandparents, give them a kiss and say "hello", hold their hands crossing the street, don't chase after the ice cream truck! It's hard for them to keep up.

Those times with grandparents are moments that will forever be cherished - appreciate them.  Value them. Treasure them.

Share and Donate-

• Have children share and donate their toys. Let them decide which toy they want to donate or maybe sell at a garage sale. Just so you don't part with something that is meaningful to them.  Money from the garage sale can be donated to the charity of your child's choice - the hospital he was born in, the school she attends, the neighbourhood library.
• Show them the value of giving to others who don't have as much toys as they do. How happy another child will be.
• Donate used books to the school library.  Our school excepts toys for the junior kindergarden class.

Acknowledgement -

• Have your child show appreciation and thanks.  Children can write thank you cards for gifts, thank you note for the crossing guard, the wading pool attendant that watched them swim all summer.  Let them drop it in the mailbox or hand-deliver.
• Words - words do mean a lot.  Remember "Thank You", "Please", "I love you" - it always makes the receipent feel so much better.

At any age, we should always be thankful.

Our country -We live in an amazing country with so many choices.  With amazing teachers and healthcare workers.

Our family and friends- that bond of love that gives us strenght and support -  unconditionally.

Our neighbourhood Ice Cream Man - who makes everything better.  Oh, the power of ice-cream!

Image by lovelihood via Flickr

"They're  so young, let me do it for them."

"No, thank you."

They are never too young to start being independent, confident and responsible.

That's how I feel about my boys.

I want them to grow up to be amazing, thoughtful, caring men.  Who are independent and accountable for their actions.

I realize they are only 6 and 3 years old, but they are at the most impressionable age and the most intelligent age.

Now is the time. We set examples through our actions.

Part 1 of 3 is Get Organized.

Get Organized

• Children should care for their toys.  Not only responsible for putting them away, but caring for them - repairing them, putting all the pieces that belong together, wiping them. This way they can easily find them and they're ready to go.
• Homework/books should be kept separate and cared for - to be read over and over again.
• Have your children do a personalized calendar each month - they can mark or put stickers for appointments, family birthdays, soccer practices, anything your child wants to highlight.
• Duties around the house. Placing the dirty laundry in the hamper. Dirty plastic cups in the sink. These tasks help Mom and Dad.

With these little tasks comes responsibility along with pride for those little ones.

Schmutzie, who's sure to become one of your new fave bloggers, turned me on to this weird new book, Let's Panic About Babies!: How to Endure and Possibly Triumph Over the Adorable Tyrant who Will Ruin You.

I've just requested a review copy, but you can already read Schumtzie's hilarious/insightful review here (plus enter for a chance to win a copy).

The best part so far? The retro-cool trailer for the book:

Sound like a book you'd like to read?