Spies and sacrifice
Hello, let's talk spies.
As I mentioned in my last post, I recently had the opportunity to chat with a real-life former CIA spy -- very cool. Lindsay Moran is the author of, Blowing My Cover: My Life as a CIA Spy. (Read on to find out how you can win a copy of her book).
Lindsay worked for the CIA for five years and left in 2003. In 'spy school' she learnt how to jump out of an airplane, crash cars, shoot weapons and how to assume an alias. (Trust me, journalism school is a lot duller).
Lindsay gave it all up because she wanted to start a family and, as you can probably guess, the spy life and being a mama aren't a great mix.
We give up a lot to have kids, don't we?
I so often hear about women who have put something aside -- a passion or career -- to be a mom, but not so much with men when they become dads.
I'm not bashing the boys. (In all honestly my husband is amazing. He does more than his share of caring for the kids and home). I actually think us moms have a more balanced outlook on life and know that something has to give.
What do you think? I want to know. Tell me if you gave up anything to be a mum and if you have any regrets. Here's an incentive: I have a couple of copies of Lindsay's memoirs on her life as a CIA spy to give away. (Yes, another little contest ladies).
If you want to read about our spy girl's safety tips for women, sign up for my monthly e-newsletter at: http://www.canadianliving.com/my_cl/?mod=signup&action=newsletter_new.
Talk to you soon. Don't forget to write to me here on the mom blog.
Tags: contest, jobs, motherhood, spies
May 13th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
I am really intrigued, but the link isn't working.
May 13th, 2009 at 8:19 pm
The link sends me to transcontinental Web Mail and asks for a username and password. Here's my answer to your question: I gave up many things when I decided to become a mom...my figure, my freedom, and at times, even my sanity! After my divorce (when my daughter was 3), I gave up time with my daughter in order to go to work. Not getting child support and being on your own is difficult. I'd like to think that even though "I gave up so much", I got so much more in return. I got a wonderful, beautiful, loving daughter which I get to enjoy watching her grow up into a fantastic adult! I get to sit back and see that she's awesome...and that I was a big part of that.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:32 pm
Well even though both Andrea & Jeannine stated that the link wasn't working didn't stop me from giving it a try... guess the brain cells lost during my children's formative years did not regenerate just becasue they managed to thrive until adulthood! As for things given up ... eh, I'd have to say things were often delayed (for example I married 2 days after my high school graduation so when our family began college plans were put on the back burner until all of our children were in school full day) ... another thing that happens when you take on motherhood is that you find yourself seriously concerned about all things related to your child(ren) and often neglect yourself "me time" just doesn't feel the same once you're nursing an infant or soothing a distraught toddler or helping a Kindergartener to adjust to school rules ~ just to name a few.
Now in the role of grandmother does not mean parenting has come to an end it just is extended to my precious grands. My adult children may not always welcome my "observations" or my blatant interference when I share my thoughts on how they might "improve" upon their own parenting skills but I have noticed they are healthy enough to speak their mind with me in response to anything they disagree with. Makes a mother proud!!!
May 14th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
My kids were a refocus...I could be making money and talking with adults but instead I'm making lunches, checking homework, keeping the schedules. I'm nurturing a new generation. I hope my efforts result in good Canadian citizens. Growing children who are proud, self possessed and drug free contributors to society. Time will tell. I'm sure Ms. Moran will be happier running her children to school than jumping out of a airplane or worrying about being shot. There are dangers in childrearing, it is just all about stopping the kids from harming themselves rather than some government guy with a briefcase.
May 15th, 2009 at 1:13 pm
So Kathryn, will you tell us if the link is working...or tell us how to make the link work?
May 15th, 2009 at 7:18 pm
I happen to read the article and the reactions above while trying to find a new inspiring recipe on the sire for my weekly menu for the kids. They are touching and encouraging. Just today, I've been thinking how I've been doing my part to help my children settle, feel safe and secure, provide a nice environment, and yes cook nice meals. They are our future and they deserve the best we can offer, and more than anything our unconditional love. Then trust they would turn out to be shakers and movers, productive members of society and change their part of the world for the better, be an improvement on us parents. Sometimes, it seems a sacrifice to find myself going thru the same routine, washing dishes, cooking meals, trying to catch up on all the latest, when I can be doing many things for "myself". It's that feeling of parents' job never end. But I can't picture myself without my kids. I feel I'm given a second chance thru them, to help them achieve what I couldn't or was restricted to do. I'm today what I'm thanks to each of my kids. So all that to say, cheers to all our children, and cheers to us moms, that we have the advantage to be moms!
May 19th, 2009 at 5:55 pm
I grew up with a stay-at-home Mom, but she always pushed the importance of women being educated, having their own bank account, and contributing financially to the household. Of course, her words came to be even more vital to my being when she found herself widowed with 3 children and no job.
I followed her advice. Got a university degree and a job I loved. My husband and I waited a few years before having kids, giving us time to set up a home, travel, and get our careers established.
When my first child was born, I was in a job I loved. But I fell in love with my son in an instant! I started to feel the tug of war felt by many women: wanting to stay home to raise your kids, but not wanting to leave a job that gives you so much enjoyment and sense of self. Just prior to the birth of my second child, I was promoted. I didn't take maternity leave, but was able to work from home. I had my own office at work, so when I did come in, I was able to bring baby in tow (even closing the door to breast feed). However, the job hours kept getting longer and longer. If I got a day off on the weekend, it was a treat. I knew something had to give. There were nights when I was getting home in time to put the kids to bed. That wasn't the mother I wanted to be.
I was luckier than many. I was able to take my work experience and start my own at-home business with contacts I had made in my job. I managed to work from home for 12 years, with the occassional stint more recently doing maternity covers for other new Moms.
Did I give up anything to be a mother? Sure I did. I would be a liar if I said I looked back with never a second thought. I missed the day-to-day dealings with my colleagues and friends. I missed the stable pay check and the benefits. I missed managing people and helping to nurture their careers. I missed having people care about my career and work. At times, I missed the sense of accomplishment. I lost any fashion sense I may have had, gained too much weight, got stuck with a bad haircut for years, and forgot what a good manicure looked like!
Did I gain anything through motherhood? You bet! Two smart, confident, well-adjusted children who love to spend time with family. Because I worked from home, I was always here for them to come home for lunch. I could make every concert and sporting event. I could bake and sew costumes. I could help with homework. I gained a million memories that were mine and not the babysitters. I learned I could be a full-time Mom and still have my kids view me as a smart, working women because they saw I did that too. In fact, it has been more real to them because they see me work from home.
I'm lucky in many ways. I have a husband that shares in child-rearing and household duties. I was able to turn my work experience into a job I could do from home. I have two children that are truly great human beings...fun to be around, generous and talented.
Now that they are old enough, I have gotten back into the "real working world" again. Has that been tough? You bet. You doubt yourself. Wonder how far out of touch you have become. You know you can't start back at the same level you left. The people you work with seem to have gotten much younger, in fact now they are your boss!
But I gained so much more than I lost. Life is about experiencing as much as possible. Without being a Mom, I would have lost out on what became and still is the greatest joy for me...my kids and myself as a Mom.
May 19th, 2009 at 10:34 pm
Before I had my two kids I was a Travel Agent. I pretty much gave up travel (by airplane) after I had my girls.
I decided I would stay home, so funds were too tight for air travel and hotels. Despite the fact we didn't travel, I shared with my kids (now 8 and 12) all of the places that I had travelled to. So, they know all about the Eiffel Tower and Tahiti, Costa Rica and Portugal...
Just recently I finally travelled by air to San Francisco. I daresay that my wanderlust has once again been ignited...
- Lesli (www.insidehealth.ca)
May 23rd, 2009 at 4:11 am
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June 4th, 2009 at 7:58 am
A pleasure to come to your site. Thnks very much!
June 9th, 2009 at 1:35 pm
I gave up my reckless abandon and fearlessness. I have become more vulnerable as a mother than I ever thought imaginable. at first it was really scary. I have spent many a nights walking through dodgy parts of town in foreign countries with a completely stable heart beat. I was street smart and brazen and up for whatever. But now I feel way more cautious and grounded. It started during pregnancy when I didn't want to be out at night because I knew I couldn't out run my grandmother, let alone a crazy man coming at me with a knife ready to cut out my baby. (That never happened, but I became very paranoid.) after having the baby, every situation became a possible trauma or accident. so perhaps in some sense, I gave up my sanity.
But I wouldn't go back, with the vulnerability has come a greater capacity to love and be loved. I feel more connected to my friends and family, my community and my world than ever before.
November 9th, 2009 at 9:33 pm
NIce. I too like the women who chooses to be a good mom rather than a career oriented women.