What was I thinking?
Ok. I can't dodge the issue anymore. What am I talking about, you ask? My niece.
A couple of weeks ago, I told you that my teenage niece had come to live with us for the summer. A few of you asked, 'How's it going?' (Thank you for asking!)
Some people sent me their horror stories of teens gone wild... girls, er nieces, to be precise ... in their own homes. (Hmm, why am I less reluctant to express my appreciation for that?)
Then I posted a list of great books on parenting teens. More people wrote and asked, a bit more pressing this time, "So-o, how's it going with the niece mum blogger?"
A master of deflection, I gave you a great 'win-some-wine' contest. Yes, it's confession time: I'm avoiding the issue.
It's not that things are going terribly awry. Overall, they are actually pretty good.
At the heart of the matter is the fact that I didn't ask my niece or sister (niece's mum) if I could blog about the situation before I opened my big mouth. And it turns out (surprise, surprise) my lovely niece would rather I not tell tales - good or not so good - out of home.
This led to a discuss with my great co-workers here at Canadian Living magazine and among my girlfriends. Here's what we mulled over:
In an age in which so many people have blogs and are on Facebook or MySpace, how much of our trials and tribulations with others should we be sharing with the rest of the world - without asking those people involved (friends, kids, spouse etc.) if they mind first?
A question worth thinking about, indeed. Especially when what we put online stays online - forever.
What do you think?
How much should we disclose?
And do we owe it to the people in our lives (particularly our kids) to ask their permission before we blab on about their dating woes, acne breakouts or temper tantrums?
I want to know what you think -- and I have a Canadian Living cookbook to give away!
Tags: teens; contest; Facebook
July 29th, 2009 at 8:18 pm
I think, as mom, I'm entitled to say whatever about my child's experiences upto the point where she is an adult. As far as saying anything about anyone else, I think I can say anything about anyone's experiences as long as I don't mention any names.
July 30th, 2009 at 1:07 pm
With the new technology today it's hard to say or do something without the world knowing about it, everybody loves a good gossip (including me). We do have to be respecful of others, but I think we can share without revealing too much otherwise we could hurt people. I don't think we should have to ask our kids permission, but I could be wrong.
Have a nice summer!!
July 30th, 2009 at 11:52 pm
Being a mom of quite a few kids myself, I think its a wise decision that you're not posting things about your niece without her and her parents permission, etc. I won't say I've become the "perfect" mother since there's no such thing as perfection in human relationships. But I've been learning after mistakes with my older kids, to be more sensitive to my younger ones feelings. While it's ok to discuss issues about children, as they get older, their hearts are more tender and words have more of an effect.. and well, if we don't like to be gossiped about, so do they. And more so, when it's open book for the cyber world to read.
July 31st, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Right, turn it around, if your teenager has a blog do you think they will ask your permission before talking you up or down? I wouldn't disclose personal stuff but if it affects your day, have your say.
July 31st, 2009 at 7:33 pm
With younger children, we have all told those cute stories. When children become young men and women, they have a right to privacy about their own stories. I have a rule. If it isn't your story to tell, then don't tell it. So if the parent applies this rule, then maybe Mom and Dad's story won't be found on some web site for all to read.
August 4th, 2009 at 2:31 pm
I think we need to have permission. I too have told "cute" stories about my kids (not on-line, though) and was surprised when my daughter, about 8 yrs old at the time, told me she did not like me to tell these stories about her. Now, I have to ask permission before repeating something she said or did. I never really thought about it before, but she finds it embarrassing, and I have to respect that. Often though, if I ask her, she will give me permission to tell a story.
August 5th, 2009 at 10:44 pm
Great question. When I started blogging I definitely set-up some guidelines in order to give my kids some privacy. Just because I was going into the public world didn't mean they had to. I do write about my kids but never specifically by name. People who know my family very well will know who I'm writing about but otherwise it could be either child. I also don't post pictures of my kids online..for safety and privacy reasons. My kids like when I write about them and like when I keep some of their information to myself so I guess it's really a fine line and I hope not to cross it often.
August 6th, 2009 at 9:40 pm
Well having 2 great adult children now I asked them how they felt when I told those good ole cute stories.Apparently once they became teens they did not think the stories were so cute!! They admit now when looking back it really was not as bad as what they made it out to be. I was just talking within a small group of other moms.
My kids have had no ill effects from stories told and I am sure once they have kids they will do the same thing...WHY.......because as of parents they willthink what their child does is so cute and will have to be told!! *smiling*