How a new mother feels

Giving birth causes such major changes in a woman's physical and emotional life that it can take her some time to sort out the confusion of thoughts and sensations. It's difficult to understand at first whether what you're feeling is connected to the physical stresses of delivering and feeding a baby, the hormonal storm that rages through your system, your lack of sleep, or the natural stress that comes with starting a completely new role with major responsibilities.

To acknowledge this confusion is not to suggest that your feelings are negative. You're probably also feeling great joy, a joy that you may never have experienced before, a tremendous closeness with your partner, and a thrilling sense of pride when you look at that wonderful new baby you've birthed. No matter how prepared you are, the next few weeks will carry all three of you along for the ride on an extraordinary roller coaster.

Getting Comfortable Physically
Forget about housework and put your thank-you notes aside. Sleep is job Number One. Whenever your baby sleeps, you should rest, too. Try to make time for personal hygiene-although it sounds ridiculous, you may have trouble finding time to pull a brush through your hair. Showering is preferable to bathing at first, and you may even need help getting in and out of the shower.

If you delivered vaginally, you may be suffering some pain at the babys point of exit, particularly if you had an episiotomy. A warm sitz bath with mineral salts can provide relief So can a shower of warm water from a squirt bottle each time you go to the bathroom. (If little clots of blood fall into the toilet bowl, that's perfectly normal.) It's worth investing in a foam "donut pillow," so you can sit down more comfortably. If you had a C-section, treat the scar with warm, soapy water, but don't rub a washcloth on the incision.

Your bladder control may be diminished. Practise Kegel exercises (squeezing your vaginal muscles) and urinate often. If you have hemorrhoids and can take a warm bath, do so. Otherwise, be kind to yourself with stool softeners, lots of fibre, and plenty of fluids. Your breasts need special attention after delivery, whether or not you're breast-feeding. If your breasts are painfully engorged, try ice packs. If you have hot, red marks on your breasts, you may have a blocked duct: Call the doctor.

Overall, don't ignore your physical needs. Your body has just been through a huge change. Help it to recover by getting rest, eating well, drinking plenty of fluids, taking showers, and exercising, even if it's just a walk around the block to get a breath of fresh air.

Coping Emotionally
Just acknowledging that the next few months will bring a wide range of new emotions means that you've taken the first step toward surviving them. In the span of one hour, a new mother can experience more emotions than she did in the previous two months: joy, rage, ambivalence, ecstasy, despair,
aggravation, bewilderment, bliss - and everything in between. Don't berate yourself every time you feet some emotion other than joy.

Exhaustion, the main complaint of new mothers, is a major contributor to low spirits. Even if you get the same total hours of sleep as before, the frequent interruptions make your sleep less effective. The best coping strategy is to sleep whenever your baby sleeps. If you don't nap easily, at least lie down and relax when she's down.

Accept also that you will feel unsure of your abilities from time to time, particularly in the early weeks. Confidence will come with experience-and from the insights and advice you glean from other parents. If you're feeling trapped by your new role, try not to abandon everything from your old lifestyle. Indeed, the parents who give in completely to the restrictions imposed by caring for their children are the ones most likely to become frustrated. You have to surrender some of the spontaneity, but you can still go out to the movies or for dinner-mostly with your baby, but sometimes without. How much your lifestyle changes depends on many factors, but mostly on how adaptable you and your partner-and your baby'are.