Developing your child's personality

Venting anger without hurt
Some kids are so hot-tempered that you wonder whether they will ever learn to express their anger without an explosion. Other kids rarely express their anger, but they may cry or say that they're sad or that they have a sore stomach.

Avoid inward anger
Anger is a normal, healthy, natural emotion that we all need to learn how to handle. Experts suggest that parents must look at how they deal with their own anger, for that's the behaviour that their children will learn first. Do you suppress your anger? The classic definition of depression is "anger turned inward." Or do you explode in a destructive way? Or do you find healthier outlets?

A parent who is afraid to express his or her own anger but who lets it seep out in other ways teaches a child to fear and avoid expressing anger. A hot-tempered parent who has frequent, explosive outbursts teaches her child that anger is frightening. Some children react by becoming passive peacemakers who try at all costs to avoid anger, while other children model their behaviour on their angry parent's and throw temper tantrums. The parent and child keep pushing each others buttons, and outbursts from one will trigger more intense outbursts from the other.

It's important for all of us is to learn to acknowledge the anger we feel and to act out our angry feelings in a constructive way. We must help children understand that it's OK to feel anger, and we also need to show them how to make good choices about what to do about their angry feelings and the person or situation that arounsed the feelings.