Discussing sexuality with your child

Talking about sexuality
Talking about sexuality and letting your children know about sexual health can be daunting. You want to be sure that you give them the information that's appropriate for their age, and you want to let them know what your sexual values are at the same time as you explain the bodily "plumbing." Many parents find it embarrassing to talk about penises and vaginas with eight-year-olds, although the kids may not feel any embarrassment until they sense yours.

You're the best person to tell
Most kids are very curious about sexual differences, and they share whatever information they acquire with their friends, but the information is often less than accurate. You can be sure that your child has the right information only if you, yourself, explain the facts. Don't count on the school to teach your child everything he needs to know. Sexual education classes are not mandatory in many Canadian schools. Although some teachers handle the topic thoroughly in their health classes, others' classes are less than comprehensive.

When you talk about sexuality with your child, you also impart your own values. If you believe that sexual intercourse is appropriate only within marriage, you can say so. Some parents worry that by telling young children about their body's physical changes and about sexual intercourse, they may encourage them to experiment at an earlier age. But you can't prevent your child from getting information about sexuality -- they'll get bits and pieces from television programs and movies, from the stories and confidences of other kids, from advertising. You need to balance the media messages that bombard them, and you need to provide specific, accurate information along with your own messages about sexuality and sexual health: "Every human being is a sexual being." "Children need to know and understand how human bodies work and how our emotions affect how our body works." "Sexual intercourse with a partner is great, but it's for grownups."

Young children who understand how their bodies work, what the proper names are for their various body parts, and what is appropriate sexual activity are less likely to become the victims of sexual abusers; these manipulative people tend to seek out poorly informed children who are less likely to tell their parents or other adults.