When your child hates school

Age Twelve
The social scene
For senior elementary students, friendship or the lack of it is the Number One cause of problems. Being left out of or dropped by a group can upset your child and make her anxious or depressed.

Contact your kid's classroom teacher or a guidance counsellor if the school has one, and let him know how your child feels. Ask for his advice and insight into the situation. He may be able to help just by talking with your child and steering her into a school activity with other like-minded kids.

• Help your child find a sport, hobby, or club outside of school that will introduce her to other young people with similar interests.

• Go shopping. No, you don't want your child to think that making friends means wearing the "in" labels. But having the right hair style, the right clothes, the right look is very important to twelve-year-olds. Let your preteen choose some cool-looking clothes that fit the family budget.

• If friendship and the lack of it continues to be a problem, talk to your child about choosing a different high school from the one in the neighbourhood, a high school where she'll be able to get a fresh start.

Going to a new school
Before your child's first day at a new school, you can make the transition go a little smoother.

• Visit the school as often as you can before the first day of classes. Attend school plays, band concerts, or fun fairs that offer your child a sneak peek at what's to come. The grade eight play may not look polished to you, but a six-year-old will be dazzled by the stars on stage.

• Let an older brother or sister give a personal tour of the school hot spots outside of the classroom. The tour should include such things as water fountains, washrooms, and the school yard.

• One week before classes begin, drop by the school and introduce yourself and your child to the principal, the school office staff, and his new teacher.

For children with deeper rooted anxiety problems visit the Lifeline Anxiety Disorder Newsletter Web site.

Excerpted from Raising Great Kids by Christine Langlois. Copyright 1999 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission from Christine Langlois. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.