A guide to helping you raise twins

This story was originally titled "Raising Twins (and Multiples)" in the April 2009 issue. Subscribe to Canadian Living today and never miss an issue!

My mom still tells the story of the morning she forced open the door to the bedroom my twin brother and I shared and discovered us completely naked, laughing uncontrollably, the contents of our diapers smeared on the radiator and window screen, and our sheets and clothing strewn across the floor. Reed and I were about two years old at the time and, like many twins, we worked well as a team, wreaking havoc on our surroundings with the force of two strong wills and four busy hands. And also like most multiples, we caused our parents much amusement – and angst – particularly in our early years.

I recently asked my mom if Reed and I were treated differently than our three older siblings. She paused. "We treated you together… as one child." As a "child couple," parents, teachers and other adults often made comments about us in relation to each other. I wasn't just good at school, I was slightly better than Reed. And Reed wasn't just a great athlete, he was sportier than me.

Adults also had strong ideas about how much time my twin and I should spend together, whether or not we should be separated in school, and what skills and friendships each of us should nurture.

When Reed and I were born in 1964, twins were a novelty. However, the birth of twins and other multiples (triplets and quadruplets) has since increased dramatically, a result of women delaying childbirth until after age 35 (the older you are, the greater your chance of conceiving twins) and the heightened use of fertility drugs. The rate of twins born in Canada has increased 35 per cent, according to Statistics Canada and Health Canada, while the rate of multiples increased at even higher rates. Each day more than 26 Canadian moms give birth to multiples.

What works
While there are no hard-and-fast rules for raising multiples today, there has been a shift in thinking over the years. We recognize multiples need to be treated as individuals, while also respecting that they have a unique relationship with each other, says Gail Moore, chair of Multiple Births Canada (MBC) and a vice-chair of the Council of Multiple Birth Organizations, and a parent of 16-year-old twin boys. To emphasize the special connection that multiples have, as well as the shift away from the "adults know best" approach of raising these children, Moore recalls one mother who kept putting her twins in separate beds, only to find them back in the same bed every time she came into the room. The mother soon thought, Who am I to say what is right for them?

We talked to parents, as well as experts in the field, about the key parenting stresses of raising multiples today – and the solutions that work. Here's what they had to say.

Challenge: Separating multiples at school
Solution: In Canada, school board policies requiring that multiples be put in different classes are slowly changing. Teachers and principals are listening to parents and allowing them and their children to make the decision. But often what works best varies from one family to the next.

Page 1 of 3 - Read page two to find out why NOT to compare twins