Are you being too hard on your kids?

KD: Are universities and colleges looking at other ways of assessing students?

CH: Definitely. The Massachusetts Institute of Technology revamped its application form and shrunk the section for extracurricular activities. Kids were coming in with a laundry list. They would sit down at the interview with this glittering résumé and yet couldn't say why they were helping a soup kitchen twice a month. They were just doing it because it was going through the motions; ticking the boxes. We need some mavericks who don't fit into those boxes.

The same thing is happening in England. They all have straight As, but in their interview it is like they're speaking from a script. So universities are trying to look for new ways of assessing what children bring to the table. Let's be honest: the only thing the marks tell you is how good a child is at writing tests. And how many tests have you written since university? I haven't written any.

KD: What advice would you give to parents who want to ease up on their kids but are coming up against a school or teacher where they feel there is too much pressure?

CH: Parents are so anxious and there is this feeling of competition. Even the alpha mom in the playground is feeling freaked out. She's running like a rat on a treadmill, just a little bit ahead of everybody else, but she's asking, "Is this what I want for my children and for my family?"

Start with the teacher and have a conversation about it. Often the teacher feels the same and doesn't want to be teaching in that way but feels that parents expect it. Bring other parents together, because you need some critical mass to turn it around. The other tactic to pursue is the public arena. Talk to your [school trustee] and MPP. Write to the newspaper. Get debates going. We are in a moment where in countries such as Canada we really need to be thinking about root-and-branch reform and the way our education system is geared. What is the best way to nurture learning? What is the best thing for children growing up in the early 21st century? I don't think we've got the right answers to these questions yet.
 
KD: At what age should parents encourage their kids to talk to their teachers about marks and homework, as opposed to the parents doing so?

CH: It’'s one of the most important lessons in life and should start as early as feels right. A child in Grade 1 or Grade 2 who feels he's got too much homework on the weekend can talk to a teacher, or come together with two or three kids and go to the teacher after class. [We need] to pull back from this natural reflex to want to do the best for our children. It's wonderful, the commitment that parents show, but we end up doing too much.
 
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