Are you being too hard on your kids?

KD: Do you think that we, grown-ups, have forgotten how to play?

CH: Yes. Play is, in a way, at the heart of all this [philosophy]. Play is what bashes the human brain into shape. Play is hugely important, especially in the early years, and play is what gives society and life meaning, texture and colour.

Ours is a workaholic culture where play looks a bit like a waste of time. But play is clearly a powerful thing. You're in this zone and that's where creative explosion occurs. But how do you measure that? You can't. It's almost like we won't do it just for the hell of it. You don't play Mozart to your children because it's sublime; you play it because you heard somewhere that it's going to hone their brain, even though that's bollocks. The successful economies of the world will be the playful ones because that's where creativity lies; that's where value is added and great inventions come from.

KD: Do we need to be better role models?

CH: We need to set an example. If you're constantly rushing around and saying things like "I've got no time" and you're overscheduled, then your children will take that as a life lesson. If you never sit still or you're never unplugged, then your child will take that as a mark – as the way to grow up. We need to put our own house in order as parents. We can't redefine childhood without making some really profound changes in the way we run our own affairs.

Ready, set, slow
What started with a few moms grumbling over coffee at the kitchen table has blossomed into a mini-movement. In 2002, Ridgewood, N.J., pioneered an annual event called Ready, Set, Relax! The idea is that one day a year this alpha town takes a breather: teachers assign no homework, extracurricular activities are cancelled and parents make a point of coming home early from the office. The aim is to cast off the tyranny of the timetable, to let children rest, play or just daydream, and to give families time together that is not built around driving to the next volleyball practice or band rehearsal.

In 2007, Amos, a small forestry and mining town in northwestern Quebec, held its first activity-free day based on the Ridgewood model. Marcia Marra, a mother of three who helped set up Ready, Set, Relax! in tandem with a local mental-health agency, hopes the tide is turning. "People are starting to see that when their lives and their children's lives are scheduled to the hilt, everyone suffers," she says. "Structured activities can be great for kids, but things are just out of control now."

Excerpted from Under Pressure: Rescuing Childhood from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting, pages 162 and 163.

Read an excerpt from Under Pressure: Rescuing Childhood from the Culture of Hyper-Parenting here!

Read on for some more parenting advice:
• Learning how to deal with your child's personality
• How to raise your kids to be independent
• What makes a good parent?

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