Goodnight, Sleep Right

In the Hanson household in Riverview, N.B., Brian, 12, is known as Mr. Heavy Head. It's a moniker that he isn't fond of but reluctantly accepts because of the truth in it. "He used to complain that he couldn't get out of bed because his head was too heavy," says his mother, Kate Merlin. "He can be a real joy at the breakfast table. He's so cranky and moody that he'd have to put a cereal box between himself and his sister so she wouldn't look at him."

She says Brian isn't happy about his bedtime - currently 9 p.m. - but she enforces it to avoid the "heavy head" syndrome. It's just a stage the family has to get through, she says. "Once they get through middle school, then life calms down again," says Kate. "They've gotten used to dealing with how much sleep they need and they'll get up in the morning." Now her teenagers manage their own sleep, which she credits to increased maturity.

As they get older, though, kids expect to stay up later and are often rewarded with later bedtimes. In the Grill household in Calgary, bedtime is a constant battle, says mom Kathy, because her sons expect to stay up as late as 11 p.m. When Brandon, 11, is really tired, she insists on a 9:30 p.m. bedtime. "In the morning he'll apologize and say, 'You were right, Mom,'" she says.

The fact that Brandon can't figure out how much sleep he really needs doesn't surprise Morehouse. She says that adults can make a conscious decision to be more tired the next day in exchange for staying up later to attend an event or watch a late show. But kids don't have the ability to project ahead to how they will feel the next day. So saying to a child, "Don't you think you'll be too tired tomorrow?" isn't fair. "They haven't yet developed the ability to assess the benefits and risks," says Morehouse. "They need some help, some guidance." She says that parents should help them set priorities, including the right number of extracurricular activities, so that they're not cutting into their children's sleep. As well, parents should not use going to sleep early as a punishment or staying up late as a reward for other behaviours, she adds.

Sheryl Wright Mercer, a mother of two in Toronto, dislikes the television's effect on her daughters' lives, saying she thinks it's part of the reason her girls, ages 12 and 11, don't get to bed as early as they ought to: "I don't think we start the bedtime process early enough. It seems that they're watching something on TV that ends at 9:30 p.m. and then we start everything." She says that they're often still in bed at 8 a.m., when she calls to wake them for school: "I figure if I have to wake them up, they're not getting enough sleep."

Owens agrees. She says that, while kids need time to relax after sports and homework, electronic diversions are too stimulating. "Parents need to look at what's going on in that prior-to-bedtime period," she says. "Kids are on instant messaging and they're watching television. They're not really preparing themselves mentally to go to sleep. They're cognitively stimulated and engaged." As a general rule, the TV should be off about an hour before the kids go to bed. Younger kids need quiettime, such as reading or quiet singsongs, but it's best to keep the activities low-key and relaxing. And while it's fine for an older child to read to herself, it's still important to set limits so that the latest Harry Potter doesn't carry her into the wee hours of the night. If bedtime is 9 p.m., for example, then it should be lights-out at 9:30 p.m.

For stubborn night owls, Owens recommends keeping wake-up time the same every day, including weekends. She says it may take several weeks, but eventually the children will go to bed earlier. As well, parents can try incentives, such as dinner out or a movie, to reward compliance at bedtime. A sleep diary, on the other hand, helps kids see the results themselves. The American National Institutes of Health offers one you can print out at www.nhlbi.nih.gov/health/public/sleep/starslp/teachers/sleep_diary.htm.

MacLusky endorses regular exercise, such as a bike ride after supper, simply to improve sleep quality. "The more exercise, the better," he says. "It's good for psychological stress; you burn up adrenaline. But exercise should end about three hours before bedtime."

The bottom line? Parents need to take responsibility for sleep in school-age children seriously. "Every child will have periods when he's having trouble with sleep," says MacLusky. "As a parent, you have to anticipate it and have a strategy so as soon as it starts appearing, you can say, 'No, this is not behaviour that you're going to get away with; these are the ground rules.' You don't play with matches and you don't watch TV until 2 a.m. I tell parents that a child's job is to push against walls. The parents' job is to put the walls there in the first place."