Instilling compassion in children

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Author and respected parent educator, Barbara Coloroso, has conducted parenting and teaching workshops for more than 25 years. A former nun with a degree in theology, she has studied genocide for 15 years and spent time working with genocide orphans and survivors in Rwanda last summer. She also gave a lecture at the University of Rwanda on how genocide is an extreme form of bullying, in that the act of killing others is rooted in contempt for human life. Coloroso also met with local groups and government officials to discuss restorative justice.

Coloros says her experience in Rwanda shaped her view on the need to raise compassionate kids who understand right from wrong. Here she talks with Canadian Living's family editor, Kathryn Dorrell, about how parents can be better role models for their kids and instill the values of compassion and caring.

Kathryn Dorrell: Are parents, on the whole, role modeling good ethics and compassion today?
Barbara Coloroso: Not a lot. Adults are hearing more about ethics but our attitude is, "tell me what to do, what's right." We also tend to think if we can get away with things, then it's ok -- they don't count. The same goes for doing things that get us ahead -- we make exceptions there, as well. We are also quick to point out our rights -- such as freedom of speech -- without considering how they impact others.

We have the same approach in dealing with our children. We want someone else to give us the answers, solutions on how to handle it. But there are no easy answers. Our kids are exposed to horrific violence on TV and in games, and reality shows such as American Idol that seem innocent but encourage them to laugh at other's expense or pain. All this makes them less likely to be compassionate.

KD: What role does nature play in kids' capacity for compassion? Are some kids hardwired with more empathy than others?
BC: I believe children are born innocent -- not good or bad -- and that they all have an innate ability to care. Nature and nurture are interconnected and reinforce one another. That said, some children do seem to be born more empathetic than others. My daughter is one of those kids. The nurses said she came out of the womb empathetic because she would be particularly distressed when other babies cried. It's a trait that has borne itself out to this date. But environment can play a big role in kids' development. If children are well cared for and loved early on, that definitely influences them. At the same time, though, in Rwanda I saw children who had witnessed their entire family being brutally murdered and they were very compassionate and caring kids.