Is it time for your teen to see the doctor alone?

If your teen wants to continue with her current health provider, that's ideal, since that doctor or NP will already know her and her history. But some teens will want to start fresh. Girls may want a female and boys a male; they may want privacy (free from parental queries) or a greater comfort level.

Emily Ibsen, 19, remembers going solo with her family doctor when she was 13. She and her younger sister, Laura, agree that this doctor made them uncomfortable. "She always made you take off your shirt – and she never explained why she was doing things," says Emily. By age 15, both girls had sought out a new health-care provider, Emily opting for a walk-in clinic suggested by friends, and Laura, with her mother's help, finding a doctor she describes as friendly and someone who "really talks to you."

Good communication is what adolescents value most, says Dr. Doug Klein, an assistant professor in the department of family medicine at the University of Alberta in Edmonton, who did his master's thesis on what teens think about seeing a family doctor for a checkup. Klein, who also has a family practice, says teens want their physician to be like a knowledgeable friend – someone who will explain things clearly, without being patronizing.

How you can help prepare your teen
• Arrange for the first appointment to be a "meet and talk," so your child can find out if she likes the doctor or NP before committing to an examination. She can expect the doctor to ask questions about her general health and habits, and areas of interest and concern. In turn, she should also ask questions, such as: what do you include in a checkup? How often do you do one? Do you keep everything confidential? Ideally you, too, should meet the doctor. If the fit is wrong, try someone else.

• Discuss the importance of being open. Kids might not understand why lifestyle questions (about topics such as diet, sexual activity, grades) are relevant to health care. Gilbert-Rasuli notes that teens often behave in ways that could jeopardize their health, and getting the best health care requires telling the whole truth.

• Let your teen know that health-care providers should maintain confidentiality unless they suspect danger (suicidal or homicidal thoughts, abuse, eating disorders, addiction) or a major illness. As a parent, you shouldn't try to violate that confidentiality.

• Discuss why a doctor gets physical, says Sue Cooper, a registered nurse with the Simcoe Muskoka District Health Unit in Ontario, who has worked with kids for many years. "As corny as it sounds, the 'laying on of hands' is essential to good health care."

• Offer to take your kids to the appointment; have their immunization records and other pertinent health information ready.

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