One man's struggle to become a dad

This story was originally titled "About a Boy" in the June 2009 issue. Subscribe to Canadian Living today and never miss an issue!

I was a single male in my late 30s and my biological clock was ticking. I desperately wanted to be a parent. The thing is, I wasn't in a relationship, and do you know how hard it is to ask a woman to borrow her uterus for nine months?

This is my story about an adoption that involved hurdles. Lots of them. But mostly this is the story of how the most beautiful little boy in the world came into my life. His name is Trevor.

"Like shopping for a child"
Trevor's was the first photo I saw when I walked into the Adoption Resource Exchange at the cavernous Metro Toronto Convention Centre in November 2004. I was overwhelmed by the sight of hundreds of people, mostly couples, wandering from booth to booth scrutinizing photographs and reading profiles of children who were up for adoption. It's literally like shopping for a child.

Trevor grabbed my attention right away. He was about to turn six years old, and I had wanted a child between six and 11 years old. His profile said that he enjoyed music and drawing, and that when he needed to work through difficult issues, he did it through art. As a theatre director and educator who lives for the arts, I knew we had a lot in common. And there was something soulful about Trevor's eyes that touched me. His profile also suggested Trevor would benefit from a two-parent family. That didn't deter me. I had become used to overcoming obstacles. Not only was I single, but I was a single man. I knew that couples and single females stood a far greater chance of adopting a child than a guy on his own.

I approached the two social workers and asked about Trevor. We had an amazing chat. We spoke for almost an hour even though other people were lining up behind me, eager to inquire about Trevor. I explained my background, interests, and why I thought I'd be a good parent. Then I said I'd be back.

Unfairly judged
One of my best friends, Tara, was with me that day for support. As a social worker, she helped me navigate the entire adoption journey. As someone who'd known me since Grade 7, she also had an intimate understanding of the kind of child who would be a good match for me. Tara and I wandered around the convention hall. Some agencies, upon discovering Tara and I were not a couple and that I was looking to adopt as a single male, became instantly suspicious, and one was incredibly aggressive. I knew they were just doing their job, but I also felt I was being judged unfairly.

Tara and I went out for lunch and had a long talk. What if I left at the end of the day with all hopes dashed? What if I didn't find a child? My emotions were running high. We returned to the centre and headed back to the social workers who were representing Trevor, and talked some more. I filled in the paperwork formally expressing interest in adopting him. Was I putting all of my eggs in one basket? What kind of chance did I have up against all sorts of two-parent families? I went home, totally overwrought. On Monday I got the call: I was being considered – along with two couples.

Page 1 of 4 -- Why be a dad? Edward explains on page 2