Parenting secrets: Teach your kids to get along

Originally titled "Sibling Love," from the August 2007 issue of Canadian Living Magazine, on newsstands or click here for the back issue.

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A day in a pediatrician's office is never quiet -- but last Monday was a particularly noisy one for me. The more one child cried, the more they all sobbed. A toddler was upset because he didn't want a throat swab, a newborn fussed because she didn't like being undressed and a four-year-old was in tears because she was getting a needle. But it was big sister Ella who was crying the loudest.

“What's the matter, sweetheart? You're not getting a needle,” my
nurse asked.

“I know, but I don't want you to hurt my sister,” Ella replied.

Every parent I know wants her kids to get along and care about each other. Not only because it would mean fewer nasty sibling spats, petty jealousies, teasing and friction -- but also because of the sense of pride she would enjoy. Another equally meaningful incentive, which many of us have learned from our own experience, is that the world can be a big, lonely place without a sibling by your side.

Siblings teach each other
According to the latest research, there are even more profound reasons for us to understand and nurture harmonious sibling relationships. Last year, Time Magazine published a landmark article stating, among other things, that our brothers and sisters have an enormous impact on shaping who we become as adults.

Sisters teach brothers about puzzling girl stuff, while brothers teach their sisters about the forbidden world of boys. After growing up surrounded by sisters, Mark, 15, has the gift of gab and is comfortable talking to girls. And Sara, 12, isn't intimidated to voice an opinion in front of boys because with three big brothers, she's been doing so her whole life.

Siblings also teach each other about loyalty, conflict resolution, friendships and compromise. And researchers are discovering that siblings also steer each other into, and away from, risky behaviours.

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