Talk to your teen

6. Explain the why
Kids need to know why certain things need to be done. This makes them feel more involved and part of the decision-making process.

7. Know your teen's learning style
Don't become frustrated and think that your teen is not listening if he/she is doodling or avoiding eye contact. It may mean that your teen is a kinesthetic learner or an auditory learner, as opposed to a visual learner, where eye contact is necessary. Get to know your child's learning style and how this impacts their communication with you.

8. Know gender communication differences
Girls tend to prefer eye contact. Many boys find eye contact too intense, whereas girls need that additional connection to feel as though they are being listened to and understood.

9. Be aware of your body language
Ninety-three percent of communication is nonverbal (for example, eye contact, tone of voice, facial expressions). Parents should be aware of their body language and consider what message it may be sending to their teen. Don't hesitate to ask your teen how they interpret your body language and whether it's a factor in your communication meltdown.

10. Be respectful
Verbal putdowns and sarcasm are a common sign of disrespect and should be avoided at all costs. Comments such as "You're a big disappointment," "I wish you were more like your brother," or "You can't do anything right" will compromise friendly, open dialogue between you and your teen.

"Parents should know that when you respect your children it does not mean you're giving your authority to them," says Dr. Gordon. "It doesn't mean that you are somehow passing power over to them. You are still holding your power, you're still holding your authority, but it's about really valuing and respecting them as a person. And when children feel [respected] they are going to be much more open to hear what you actually have to say."

To be fair, effective communication is a two-way street. Both teens and parents can benefit from Dr. Gordon's books and instructional CDs and workbooks. For parents there's a four-part CD series and workbook called Analyse Your Teen that offers 22 parenting strategies, including tips on effective communication with your teen and strategies to teach responsibility and boundaries. For teens, Analyse Yourself offers advice and solutions on how to better understand their friends, parents and themselves.

"In the workbook is a report card that was designed by a group of teenagers geared for their parents," says Dr. Gordon. "If parents give this report card to their children to evaluate their communication, they will have 100 per cent clear direction about what they need to work on. This tool is extremely helpful!"

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