The out-of-control child

Positive reinforcement
To turn things around and give the child positive alternatives, see that he receives positive reinforcement and feedback from his family and peers when he does behave in a more socially acceptable way. He also needs lots of love, attention, connection, and support from you -- something much more positive to build on. The more time you spend together doing things that are fun, playing and learning from each other, the bigger the boost to your child's self-esteem and to your relationship.

Children need to understand how their behaviour affects others. In a constructive way, you want them to see how negative behaviour affects other people and turns them off. Talk with your child about his feelings and help him develop empathy about the feelings of others. You want to help him grow beyond his narcissistic way of looking at the world. Show him how to get a response from people in an OK way. Show him how positive social behaviours get positive feedback from both his family and his peers. Encourage and reward him for acting in ways that lead others to respond positively to him. As you do more things together and communicate better, your child may start to feel better about himself and behave in ways that make you feel better. Gradually, the better qualities of his true personality will emerge and develop.

Accept negative feelings
The out-of-control child presents a major challenge for parents. When the child is difficult or demanding and doesn't respond to reason, he wreaks havoc on your mind and your feelings. At times, you may feel anger, resentment, and disappointment toward your child, and may even feel that you dislike him. Then, because you also deeply love your child, you feet guilty about having such negative feelings.

Experts advise that some negative feelings are a perfectly normal, natural response to the child's behaviour. Parents need to accept that it's OK to feel that way sometimes. By denying your feelings, you may think that you hide them from him, but your child will probably sense them anyway.

Accepting your negative feelings helps you to recognize that there is a problem, which could be the first of many steps toward a solution. By paying attention and listening to those feelings, you can get some valuable clues about what's causing the problem for your child.