What one mother learned from her teenage daughter's pregnancy

Cara was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she was 16, but the news did nothing to improve our lives. Some of the things the doctors were telling Cara about her illness just blew me away; one even gave her permission to use drugs because he thought that they calmed her down. There were times when I looked into Cara's eyes and I didn't see my baby anymore.

I suspected her boyfriend was abusing her. Cara, who was on welfare at the time, had black eyes and bruises on her body. I took her to see a counsellor, but she would not talk about it to anyone. I felt completely helpless as a mother. My baby was in trouble and I couldn't help her. I couldn't reach her. I felt if I pushed, I would push her farther away. But even in the darkest days, I kept telling Cara, "I love you. I believe in you. I am here for you. We will get through this."

Cara quit drugs and smoking when she learned that she was pregnant. She wanted to do something right with her life and prove everyone wrong. It was another very tumultuous time. She had morning sickness and was withdrawing from drugs and medication for her bipolar disorder. I just stuck by her side, reminding Cara of how special she was.

Cara decides to keep her baby
I didn't try to influence my daughter when she was considering adoption, even though I had come to realize that I wanted to play a role in my grandchild's life. When Cara decided she was going to keep the baby, I was both relieved and scared. I feared for the baby, constantly wondering what damage the drugs had done, but I kept these thoughts to myself and encouraged Cara.

Along this journey, I lost my own faith. I had always been very active in the United Church of Canada, but during the period when things were so difficult with Cara, I felt I didn't have a God to turn to. I was full of such rage. My minister and close friends told me, "If you can't pray, we will pray for you."

It took a while, but I realized that there were people who believed in me. It didn't matter to my friends or my coworkers that my own daughter would become an unwed teen mom. My faith was restored. I know now that the angels we have in our lives are the friends and loved ones who help us through the hard times.

I went to every doctor's appointment with Cara, listening to the miracle of my little unborn grandchild's heartbeat. And I was at Cara's side when Sancia was born on Oct. 1, 2003. After the nurses cleaned her up and wrapped her in a blanket, they put her in my arms. In that moment, the universe changed. It was a split second of clarity and love. I felt connected to everyone and everything around me. I looked into that little face and vowed to love Sancia and to do everything I could for her.

Page 2 of 4 - Cara and her mom are closer than ever on page 3!