What to do with tweens and teens this summer

The situation: “It's OK, Mom, I'll be fine here all day by myself.”
Lee-Anne Goodman, a mom in Toronto, says her 13-year-old son, Alex, is “at that weird age when I'm not quite sure whether he's ready to be on his own during the summer days when both parents are working.”

Expert advice: The experts are unanimous: Be clear about your expectations when your teen is left alone. You and your child should know, to the letter, what the rules are when you are not around. Rich believes if parents and kids agree upon the rules, there will be fewer opportunities for conflict. If you can't agree on a basic set of rules, then perhaps your child is too young to be left on his own.

That said, Scott Wooding, a Calgary psychologist and author of The Parenting Crisis: Parenting Today's Teenagers (Fitzhenry and Whiteside, 2005), advises against establishing rules you don't think your teen can follow. For example, if your child isn't allowed on the computer when you're not home, yet you're not sure he has the internal fortitude to stick by it, put a password on the computer and lock him out. That way, your rule stays intact.

On the other hand, if your tween or teen is abiding by the rules you've established, “let him know you appreciate it,” says Terry Carson, a parenting coach in Toronto.

One parent's solution: Camilla Cornell, a mom in Toronto, is comfortable leaving her 13-year-old son on his own for periods of time, partly because she made sure he's capable of navigating his hometown. “He's very comfortable travelling by bus,” she says. Although Camilla often suggests activities, he's perfectly capable of executing these plans on his own.

The situation: “I'm bored.”
All parents dread hearing the B word, but it's perhaps most aggravating for parents of older kids. Nancy Walsh, a mom from St. John's, Nfld., says she aims to find a balance between organized activities for her 14-year-old daughter, Eva, and letting her fill her own time, which Nancy feels is important.

Expert advice: Don't solve your kids' boredom; let them take on that task, says Carson. Don't rob them of the opportunity to be resourceful and creative, she advises. Wooding agrees, but he adds that doesn't mean you completely abandon your kids to their own devices. You still need to be made aware of your tween's or teen's plans and, in some cases, supervise those plans.

One parent's solution: Last year, Danielle Gilbert's family, who live in Calgary, did not make their annual summer trek to Quebec. Danielle was concerned that without the trip, summer wouldn't feel like enough of a vacation for her two children, then 14 and 10. So Danielle and her kids created a chart with several categories -- movies, local pools and parks -- and made a list of day trips they wanted to take. Danielle was involved only in helping preplan the chart; once summer arrived, it was entirely up to her kids to select which activity they would do.

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