When a parent is an alcoholic

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Coping strategies
Covering constantly for an alcoholic partner is a mistake and one your children will see through. If your wife has a problem with drugs or alcohol, urge her to seek counselling. If she's reluctant, point out the effect that she's having on the children, something most alcoholics deny. If she does take treatment, participate in all the family counselling available, whether you believe that you'll stay together as a family or not. Through the provincial health-care system, some provinces fund residential treatment programs that include family counselling. In Ontario, Renascent Centres offer a 21-day, live-in program at no charge for men and women willing to take treatment. The Alberta Alcohol and Drug Abuse Commission, which is publicly funded, will initiate family counselling while encouraging the addicted parent to get involved in treatment. Alcoholics Anonymous and its family support groups like Al-Anon/Alateen offer effective follow-up in most communities. You can seek help through a family doctor or a mental health centre if you're unsure where to go.

Children of alcoholics grow up fast. They feel responsible for their parent's drinking and for the future of their family, but they also feel powerless. Authoritative parenting by the nonalcoholic parent might help alleviate some of the child's burden. An authoritative parent makes it clear that she's the adult, the person with authority, but she's willing to negotiate with the child on the rules and the consequences of breaking them. This parenting style can help children to maintain consistency in day-to-day routines and family rituals.

Children of alcoholics should be helped to develop coping strategies for the kind of situations they face.

• If Dad starts drinking when you're out together, call home and I'll come and get you both.
• If Mom passes out at home, call Grandma to get help until I get home.
• Speak to a favourite aunt or uncle for advice and comfort.

Children of alcoholics, if given permission to express their doubts and fears, can learn and become stronger through their experiences. If you think that you're not equal to the role of helping your child, look around your community for others who can help -- perhaps a coach, a teacher, or a leader in your religious group. Your children need as many models as possible of how to be healthy adults.

What kids need to know about alcoholism
1. It's not your fault. Your parent doesn't drink because of something you do or don't do. No matter how perfect you are, you can't change it.

2. You can't fix it. Forget about watering down the booze or talking your parent into seeking treatment. That's not your responsibility.

3. You can learn to deal with it. Find a friend, relative, or teacher you can talk to. At home, find a safe place for yourself.

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