A mom's fetal alcohol syndrome story

Daily obstacles
Children like Zach face huge obstacles on a daily basis. Throughout school, he was teased a lot and had low self-esteem. When he was angry he would leave home and not come back, sometimes staying on the street. It got worse after high school. He was depressed and suicidal, and he would even direct his anger at me. He once threatened to damage my car with a screwdriver.

Like many children affected by fetal alcohol syndrome, he has trouble seeing the consequences of his actions when he lashes out. And he's often remorseful. After one blowup we sat together on his bed crying. “You know, Mom,” he said. “I don't do that on purpose.”

But despite all of Zach's challenges, he always showed a big heart. When I was in pain from MS, he would rub my back for half an hour. Sometimes when I felt ice cold, he would take my blanket and warm it up in the dryer. Even when he found out that his own problems stemmed from my reckless behaviour, he didn't turn on me. I told him how sorry I was and that if I had a chance to do things over I would. I was sobbing. “Don't feel guilty, Mom,” he said. “You were young. I forgive you.” His generosity overwhelms me.

Living a full life with fetal alcohol syndrome
He has also had successes. I was so proud when he received two awards in high school, one for culinary arts and one for citizenship. These were presented by staff who saw his progress in developing relationships and wanted to acknowledge his accomplishments. At 18 he got his driver's licence; he is an excellent driver.

Today Zach lives on his own and works as a part-time supervisor at a fast-food restaurant. Holding this position is an incredible achievement for him. He is responsible with money, although it is stressful for him to manage his tight budget. When I visited him recently at his bachelor apartment, he was just coming back from driving a neighbour to the pharmacy to pick up a prescription. He often helps out neighbours, by driving them to appointments or to the store.

I wish he didn't have constant challenges to face every day. He takes more time than others to complete tasks and has problems with coordination. He often feels disheartened about what he sees as an unpromising future.

I help Zach out in as many little ways as I can, such as sending him care packages and giving him financial advice. But how can I not feel guilty when I know my son lives with heartache? The hardest part is knowing that I can't turn back the clock and give him the life he deserves.

Even with my diagnosis of MS, I feel compelled to speak as a mom to try to prevent other women who are pregnant from drinking alcohol. I've spoken at conferences, to youth teams from the local treatment centre and to parent groups. Sharing my story is emotionally draining, but it's worth every minute.

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