Helping a self-conscious youth

Body image

As they approach puberty, children become aware of, and sometimes concerned about, their appearance. Your son may ask you to feel his biceps. Your daughter will gaze at herself in the mirror, checking out her changing shape.

Preteens, particularly girls, begin to compare their looks with those of the people they see in movies, on TV, and in magazines. It's an unfair comparison. Early adolescence is a time of voracious eating and rapid growth. It's common for girls and boys approaching puberty to look chubby. Then after a growth spurt, they may not be used to their new height so they will slouch awkwardly for a while.

Girls as young as six can fret about their figures. But typically they begin to worry about their weight between the ages of nine and eleven. By age eleven, 37 per cent of Canadian girls say they would change how they look if they could, and 21 per cent say they need to lose weight.

Along with adults, children at this age may buy into the myth that you can have any body you want -- if only you exercise and control your eating. But body size is not a choice. Increasing evidence suggests that weight is genetic.

Size is inherited

Some children are naturally small, others naturally large. Large kids do not necessarily eat more than their smaller counterparts. There's increasing evidence that we have an inherited set-point, a certain weight that is genetically determined. Like hair colour and height, size is part of our inheritance.

If your child is excessively overweight, of course you should consult your family doctor. With the help of a dietitian, you need to examine if his diet is too high in fats or calories. Also worth looking at is whether he takes opportunities to exercise. If you're secure that your child is physically active and that his diet is good, relax. There is no evidence that being plump is unhealthy, although being too skinny does have definite health risks.

Problems for the larger-than-average child originate in how he is treated by our fat-phobic society. Studies show that children consider a "fat" child the least desirable playmate. Children describe heavy people as dirty, ugly, and stupid.

To try to spare your child this ridicule, you may become critical of your child's weight or eating. You may even be repulsed by the extra roll around your son's middle. But if you don't feel comfortable with child's body shape, it could be time to look at your own thinking about body shape.

In a society that equates fat with bad and skinny with good, we need to remind ourselves that thin children are no more lovable than large kids. In fact, your love and acceptance may be even more essential for the over-weight child, who may be taunted at school. If you overhear your child being called "fatty" or "porker," you may want to act out of anger. But a more constructive approach is to state simply, "We don't make fun of the way people look."