Nag no more: teens and responsibility

You've just spent a weekend out of town. As you come up the drive, you notice tire marks on the front lawn and a hole in the front door. You pass through the door and take a look around -- your house is a mess. While you were away your teenager had a big party that got so out of control, the police were called to break it up. What do you do?

You could nag, rant and rave. But as much as you'd like to lose your temper, take a deep breath and think through your responses. While reading your kid the riot act may allow you to vent your feelings, there's a better way to help your son or daughter correct the situation in a way that teaches valuable lessons. Consider these three words: Safety, accountability, and responsibility.

1. Safety
First, consider the safety of your son or daughter and those who may have attended the party. If your home is damaged and the police were called, things were obviously out of control and you should ask many questions to get the answers you need to assess the safety of all involved.

Drugs and/or alcohol may have been used at the party. If so, make sure your teen is no longer under the influence of any intoxicants. Ask if anyone was hurt. Ask about sexual activity that may have taken place in your home and reinforce the importance of safe sex.

2. Accountability
After your child's safety has been established, focus on accountability. Accountability means your son or daughter gives a full account of what happened. Discuss how the party started, escalated and got out of control. Take advantage of opportunities to teach problem solving and reinforce family rules.

Focus the conversation on the decisions your teen made along the way; take particular interest in his or her judgment and problem-solving strategies. Parents could offer a multitude of problem-solving strategies according to the scenarios discussed. Some may include: informing you about all parties that take place in your home, clearly limiting guests, calling you or a neighbour when in need of help. Your teen needs to know that his or her safety takes priority and that you will be there to help at all times. Convey that you care.

Page 1 of 2 — on page 2, learn to talk to your kids about responsibility.