Quitting your job to stay home with your tweens and teens

It's after school -- Do you know what your kids are doing?
Today 80 per cent of Canadian moms with kids aged six to 12 work outside the home, which begs the question, What are our kids doing after school while we're at the office? This is one issue that researchers from the University of British Columbia (UBC) looked at in an extensive study called “Middle Childhood Inside and Out: The Psychological and Social World of Children 9 to 12.” The recent report says 10 per cent of kids are largely unsupervised between 3 p.m. and 6 p.m. By Grade 7, 25 per cent of boys and 20 per cent of girls are home alone for the majority of their after-school hours.

“This is of concern because we know that although middle-aged children are becoming more independent, contact with adults, and particularly attachment to parents, remains a critical factor,” says Kimberley Schonert-Reichl, a professor in the department of
educational and counselling psychology in the faculty of education at UBC.

She adds that kids often give us mixed messages during these years. For instance, they may say they don't care if you come to watch their soccer game, but more often than not, they really want you cheering them on. “This is not the time to be pushing our children away but rather keeping them close and staying engaged in their lives,” adds Schonert-Reichl.

So what's an already guilt-ridden working mom to do? Parents and experts attending a national summit on middle childhood discussed this issue and came up with several options.

• Enrol your kids in after-school programs, such as sports or arts activities, and clubs, such as Boys and Girls Clubs.

• Talk to your child's school about starting an after-school club. Kids could play basketball in the gym or get some homework done together in the library.

• Ensure your kids are savvy about staying home alone. Look into programs on home and personal safety for you and your kids to attend together. Start with your child's school and your local municipality.

• Nurture your kids' relationships with other significant adults in their lives, such as teachers, neighbours, coaches and other family members. These individuals won't look after your kids when you're at work, but the “Middle Childhood” report states that the more adults with whom kids identify as knowing or caring about them, the better their social and emotional health.

-- Kathryn Dorrell

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