Siblings entering the teenage years

Siblings
Sibling relationships are complex. Siblings may become close friends or bitter rivals, or they may shift back and forth from one to the other. They may spend a lot of time together, or they may want as little as possible to do with each other. A younger sibling who is in the throes of early adolescence may look up to his more confident, cooler older sister. Or he may resent the older brother who enjoys the privileges of independence and dismisses his younger brother's problems or interests.

During their teen years, siblings may talk about all kinds of things -- music, dating, sex, drinking, drugs -- that they would never, or rarely, discuss with their parents. At a time when many teens want to put a distance between themselves and their parents, siblings often deepen an already close relationship by sharing confidences and advice, worries and feelings.

If siblings are close, the relationship may provide a safer place for a fifteen-year-old girl to be herself. She doesn't feel the same pressure to make an impression, perhaps by putting up a front, as she does with peers. Siblings know one another too well and can't easily reject one another, whereas friendships can come and go, especially in the impressionable teen years. Teens sometimes try on friends like new clothes, wearing them for a month and then ignoring them in favour of the next person who interests them. But siblings, in a trusting relationship, may find it easier to acknowledge what they're really thinking and feeling. If they're not sure about resisting peer pressure or about dating someone whom their friends snub, their sibling may give them strength to go their own way.

Sibling rivalry
In some families, the differences in age, style, or popularity between two siblings may create a great emotional distance between them. Their sibling rivalry may go sour and develop into major rifts during which the siblings don't even talk to each other for years. In other families, the cocky sixteen-year-old might simply not want anything to do with his younger brother.

Parents cannot and should not try to force siblings to be friends, but they also shouldn't allow one to be mean to the other. Parents can insist that they act respectfully toward each other. As the older sibling matures, parents can encourage him to be more of a mentor to younger siblings.