Talking to your teen

Take me seriously
Many teens are reluctant to talk about their fears or they prefer to keep them private. If you have created an atmosphere that lets your teen know you take her feelings seriously, she may be more inclined to try to express her anxieties and fears. From an adult perspective, a teen's fears about a ituation may seem overdramatized, but be careful not to dismiss the feelings. If you dismiss, downplay, or tune out the concerns, your teen will shut you out. Listen while your child talks through the current dilemma, and help him gain some perspective.

A teen wants his parents to treat him more like an adult than a child. Although he may sometimes still act like a child, he needs you to respect the person he's becoming. Open the door for discussion, and leave it open. You might say, "I know it's not easy to talk about the things that bother you, but when you're ready to talk, I'll always listen." When the time is right, your teen may come to you.

Think back to the pressures and confusion you felt when you were a teen. Share some of your worries, too, when the two of you do eventually talk. This is one of the healthiest ways to establish mutual respect. It gives teens a grounded, secure zone if they know they can come to you for help in dealing with their worries and fears.

Teens have worries that you, as a parent, can help dispel. Your 16-year-old daughter might worry that you'll get angry if she calls you at 2 a.m. from a party because there's trouble. Assure her that she can call you whenever she's in a jam, that you'll always be there to help. Let your older teen who's worried about the choices that face him know that you'll support his taking time to make decisions. Many decisions made at 17 are not irrevocable; there's usually the possibility of changing direction or adjusting details.