Share your perspective
One strategy to help kids put their stress in perspective is to ask them to rate their problems on a scale of one to 10. Where does the breakup with a boyfriend or girlfriend rate on the scale? Where does a bad hair day score? By ranking problems, a teen gains some perspective on what triggers her stress reactions and can set priorities for a plan of action.
Thoughts vs. feelings
Help your teens learn that thinking and feeling are two separate processes and that they should consider both when making a decision. Ask "How do you feel about this? What do you think about it?" Show your confidence in their ability to handle a new problem by recalling how they handled a similar problem effectively in the past. Even if they aren't ready to talk, offer a neck massage or a hot cup of herbal tea. Reinforce the idea of positive stress relievers that work for them. Regular exercise and participation in vigorous physical activities can be a powerful tonic and antidote to stress for many teens. Others may prefer the soothing or distracting qualities of their favourite music. Some even get the urge to dean up their room or reorganize their closet just to regain a sense of control.
Dealing with personal stress
Teens mature, in part, by challenging and testing their parents' values and guidelines, so sometimes the source of your teen's stress is the parent-teen relationship. If you're feeling pretty stressed yourself about the relationship or other responsibilities, it may be harder for you to help.
Even if you can't eliminate the challenges that your teen's struggles create, you can convert them into opportunities to help your teen grow and mature. In between times, shore up your relationship with your shared sense of fun. An open, sometimes heated and combative relationship is healthier than a resentful or indifferent silence in which the lines of communication between parent and teen shut down.
Excerpted from Understanding Your Teen: Ages 13 to 19 by Christine Langlois. Copyright 1999 by Telemedia Communications Inc. Excerpted, with permission by Ballantine Books. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
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