Teenage house parties: how to deal

It was a difficult experience for all of us. We can't go back and change what happened, but with the benefit of hindsight, I can think of several strategies that could have prevented the situation from happening, or at least stopped it from escalating. Here's what we do now.

1. Quiz your teen
We quiz Katie carefully about her plans, her whereabouts and which friends she will be seeing. We ask where she's going and whether she's staying at that place all evening or going somewhere else afterward. We ask who she is meeting and whether anyone will have any drugs or alcohol.

I look for Katie to make eye contact with me and answer without hesitating. When she sounds evasive, I drill down with more questions.

We want to be sure that Katie is never part of a party like the one at our house a few years ago. We've also told her never to go to a party that she isn't invited to, and if she's ever in a situation that is getting out of control, it's her responsibility to contact us right away.

2. Keep in contact at all times
We've given Katie a cellphone and told her to keep it on at all times so we can reach each other. She's expected to call and update us on her whereabouts. We don't call her unless it's getting close to her curfew and we haven't heard from her, then we'll call to make sure she'll be on time.

3. Cross-reference with friends and other parents
We cross-check what Katie tells us with other parents. We don't do this every time she goes out or is home alone, but she knows that we do it regularly. Sometimes we'll call the parents to ask if they are aware a party is taking place at their home on a certain night and see if they plan to be home. Other times when we run into the parents of some of Katie's friends, we'll compare notes on the kids' activities.

Katie has a clear understanding of our rules and expectations for her behaviour, both in her own home and when she's out. I'm glad to say we haven't had any other incidents since that situation a few years ago. We've put the experience behind us, and I can say we've all learned a lesson that we won't forget.

Read here about the best way to discipline your teen after a monster party gone wrong.

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