A parent's fears: Abuse and abduction

Sexual abuse

It happens to more children than we care to think about, especially since statistics show that the person most likely to abuse a child is a family member, a close family friend, or someone with authority over the child.

How can you protect your child? Parents may give their children rules like "Don't let anyone touch your private parts" and "If anyone touches you, tell them No!" But rules like these make children feel totally responsible for their own safety when it's their parents who are responsible for their safety. A child, faced with an abuser, is not in a position to say No! He is frightened, alone, confused, and feels that he has no place and no person to turn to. Here are some ideas that may work.

Tell your child, in words, that you love him, and add "There nothing, you could do that would make me stop loving you."
Why? A molester may say, "If your mom knew what you just did, she wouldn't love you anymore."

Hug, cuddle, and touch your child.
Why? You want to show her what appropriate touching is.

Teach your child the correct names of his body parts.
Why? There are no secret or dirty parts of the body. There are private parts, but all of the body is wonderful and every part has a name. If abuse occurs, it's helpful if a child can use the correct language.

Talk openly about sexual matters. Answer questions like, 'How come mommy can feed a baby, but daddy can't?" Let your child know that she'll never be admonished for asking questions.
Why? A child who has been reprimanded or ignored for asking a question that some adults define as inappropriate will soon learn that she cannot confide in mommy and daddy.

Signs of abuse

Of the many causes for change in a child's behaviour, abuse is only one. Try to interpret sudden behavioural changes that have no immediate explanation. Some of these behaviours are:

• bedwetting.
• changing sleep patterns.
• including sexual references in her talk.
• unwilling to take off his clothes.
• acting clingy, distracted, or destructive.
• reacting in fear to someone your child knows.

It may seem natural for your child to want you to stay and the baby sitter to leave, but if your child reacts fearfully to a known caretaker, a baby sitter, or a visitor, be alert to possible abuse.