Coping with a toddler's behaviour

A toddler's fear
"Mommy, I'm scared." Many fears are normal at this age, and one fear once overcome is soon replaced by another. Separation anxiety is the most common fear of toddlers, and almost all experience it. Also common at this age are fear of the dark and fear of falling asleep. Some toddlers are terrified of dogs; others wont go near a toilet because they think they might fall in and disappear; still others are frightened of sudden loud noises and run toward you if someone switches on the vacuum cleaner.

You may also find, to your surprise, that your toddler is afraid of costumed characters like Santa Claus and clowns. If you've planned an outing that includes one of these characters and your toddler dissolves in tears of fright, it can be upsetting for both of you. Don't push her to go closer or try to reason with her. Just reassure her and remove her far enough away that she feels secure. She might be willing to peek from a safe distance at the object of her terror.

Why do these fears appear at this age? A toddler is still adjusting to the larger world outside of home, and most of what he experiences is new. Like most people, toddlers are frightened by the new and different -- new people or different places or unusual experiences. Also a toddler is moving from feeling secure at the centre of her world to a dawning realization of how small and powerless she is in the larger world. From that perspective, many new people or experiences can seem gigantic and over-whelming. A toddler is also developing a rich imagination and her memory is improving. So she will remember that a dog once scared her by barking fiercely, and her imagination allows her to embellish the memory and see other more frightening possibilities.

Strategies for controlling fear
There are several ways you can help a toddler gain control of his fears. Gradual desensitization may work for some; for example, if the child is afraid of the noise of a particular appliance, give him opportunities to touch it when it's turned off. Then he might be willing to watch from his mom's arms while dad turns it on. Finally, he might agree to sit in the same room while you run the machine. Ask him what you can do to help, but above all, don't belittle him or push him to do something he's afraid of. He will build confidence as he overcomes his fears.

You might also create stories to help your daughter deal with her fears. If she is frightened of monsters, you can weave a story about the magical power of her teddy to watch out for monsters as she sleeps and turn them into snowflakes. When you do this, you aren't lying to your child or confusing her with fantasy, but rather you're entering her own world of imagination.

While toddlers have their own fears, they also pick up on their parents' fears, so your behaviour as a role model is important. If you're squeamish about the sight of a drop of blood or panicked by a spider, try to keep your reactions to yourself.

Television is a potential source of fears. Most parents shield their toddlers from television programs that are frightening-including some cartoons and programming for children. But sometimes, a character or an image in a commercial or a cartoon that an older child or an adult would find amusing will frighten a toddler, who still lives in a world where the line between fantasy and reality is fuzzy.