Coping with a toddler's behaviour

Signs of stress
Sometimes a child's fears go beyond what you expect for his stage of development; try to ascertain whether they are signs of real stress. For instance, if your toddler is suddenly afraid to go outside and cries if either parent leaves the house, he may be showing stress. Toddlers cannot verbalize their stress, so look closely for the following:

• stomach aches or rashes that have no other apparent cause
• less interest in food
• changes in behaviour during toilet learning
• more temper tantrums than usual
• an increase in nightmares or night terrors or sleep interruptions

If you feel that your child is exhibiting one or more of these signs of stress, try to figure out what may have changed in his day-to-day routine that might cause him to react. It may be something obvious, like a recent move or a change of caregiver, or it may not be one particular event but an accumulation of changes. Maybe there's another two-year-old now at his baby sitter's and, at the same time, his dad was away last week on a business trip. Or it may be that he's starting to use the toilet, but he's resisting the change.

Helping him cope
Once you've identified the cause, you can either eliminate it or give him lots of reassurance and time to adjust to whatever changes are happening in your lives. If life has become too busy, he may need more quiet time with mom or dad every day; or you may need to eliminate some activities from a hectic routine; or you may postpone helping him learn to use the toilet for a month. If he's reacting to a change of caregiver, you should spend time with him and his caregiver together, perhaps a few minutes every morning, both to monitor their relationship and to let your child know that you understand that this is new for him and he needs time to adjust. Most childhood fears disappear on their own in a few months. But if the fear lasts longer than six months, if the child's sleep is continually interrupted, if he loses weight or if his play is affected, then it's wise to consult your doctor.