Dealing with sibling rivalry

Establishing routine

I talked to Dr. Cathryn Tobin, a pediatrician, and she said that Brooklynn was reacting to having a new sibling. I didn't realize it was connected because she was never upset with Mia. She's loving to Mia. Dr. Tobin said it would help Brooklynn to know our structure, and she needed a routine. She said to watch for when she is getting tired, bored or hungry and try to intervene before she has a meltdown. So now if I have to go shopping with Brooklynn, I'll do one thing, not three, and if it's a school day, I won't take her with me. She's only taking swimming classes now; the other classes have finished, and we didn't re-register. I now notice when she's tired or needs a nap -- I'm more in tune with her. And when I make her lunch, I also make myself something to eat. I'm no longer getting mad at her because I'm hungry.

Now at bedtime, there's a routine. Maybe not always a bath, but books, then bed. Now that she's getting into more of a routine, she's falling asleep on her own. She's still in our bed, but she has slept in her own bed a couple of times. We'll let her fall asleep in our bed then move her. And my husband, Joe, and I have more time in the evening now. We actually watched a movie together and had a glass of wine.

Now if I say no to something, I basically stick to it. We went to swimming lessons a couple of nights ago, and Brooklynn wanted to take some money out of the tray in the van to buy a treat. She wouldn't put it back, so I looked her straight in the eye and said, “Brooklynn, Mommy said no and when Mommy says no, she means it.” She put the money back and we went to class.

Joe and I are following the same routine with Brooklynn rather than having our own routines. And we're letting each other know what we've told her so we're both saying the same thing to her.

I'm working on using a calm voice. What doesn't work is yelling and getting overheated. And that one spanking didn't work; I felt so guilty about it, and it just made her more upset. My goal is not to make her afraid of me or to be an ogre, but to let her know that as much as I love her, I am still the authority.

Brooklynn isn't having as many meltdowns. Now we have many more good moments than bad moments. There are certainly things with Brooklynn that I've learned that I have to change with Mia. Discipline is hard work. It's easier to give in, but I'm sticking to my guns.