Parenting a preschooler

Preschooler behaviour: Who's the Boss?
Does your preschooler tell you he hates you, or not to look at him? Does your child hit you?

When preschoolers tell parents or other family members they hate them or if they hit their parents, it is usually to get out of doing what is asked -- to get their own way.

Children this young can learn to manipulate parents through the parent's emotions. If I make you feel bad about what you are doing, then maybe you will stop making me do...

Changing bad behaviour
To change this behaviour, start by ignoring your child's statements while maintaining your expectation that the child do as told. Discussing your child's statements or answering back gives attention to the behaviour and reinforces it. This will only make it more likely your child will continue to tell you they hate you. In other words, your good intentions backfire. Therefore, do not answer back. Then, when your child does do as told, provide feedback -- now you're putting away your crayons... or whatever. The key is to not get caught up in your child's negativity -- especially with your own. Keep your attention on redirecting your child back to task.

When your child is talking and behaving appropriately, give all kinds of positive attention. We call this "Catch a kid being good". This is also when you say how much you love each other. The challenge is to remember to catch your child when behaving well. This makes a big difference.

As for "don't look at me," preschoolers are beginning to develop a sense of privacy. However, when a preschooler is seeking privacy, they are likely to do so quietly. If a child is seeking privacy to get out of doing as told, then the child is trying to control you. If you submit, your child will be the boss, not you. Remember to ignore, redirect and provide feedback when behaving well.