Parenting a preschooler

Dealing with other problems
The same rules hold true for when preschoolers hit their parents. Ignore and redirect to the task at hand. Forgo any discussion on the matter as this only provides attention and actually reinforces the behaviour. Certainly never hit back. This only models bad behaviour and creates anger and resentment in the child. They will only want to get back at you.

When your preschooler hits you, you can also use time out. In a firm but quiet voice say, "No hitting." Then take your child quietly by the forearm and lead to a step or chair. Your child should sit there until settled and quiet -- and then for five or ten seconds more. Time out is time away from anything fun or rewarding. If you are sending your child to their bedroom and they just go and play, then this is not time out and will only reward misbehaviour. Don't ask your child if he is ready to be quiet or release at their request. You must observe their quiet behaviour. Then you release your child to do as directed. Once listening and doing as told, provide feedback telling your child so. Catch them being good.

Turning the tables
If your child is used to being in control of you and you start to turn things around, be prepared for protesting. Your child will not like loosing control of you. In the short run your child will try harder to get you to submit to their will. They may tell you louder that they don't love you, they may hit harder and they may scream or tantrum.

You must outlast your child's protesting. If you give in, then you just teach them how demanding they must be in order to get their way again. Giving in while your child is protesting can create worse behaviour. If your child is screaming and yelling while in time out, watch from a distance to make sure they are safe, but otherwise ignore until settled. This can take great patience and you may need support yourself in order to outlast your child.

Behaviour can change rapidly; usually within three to ten days when using these strategies. The first few days can be especially trying. The trick is keeping your cool when under stress, redirecting behaviour where you can, ignoring behaviour that is a nuisance but not serious, using time out for misbehaviour that is truly out of line and most importantly, reinforcing behaviour that is appropriate -- catching a kid being good!