Understanding preschool behaviour

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Setting limits
Some parents find it difficult to discipline their children. They don't want their kids to be angry with them or to be unhappy. If they believe that their children need every opportunity for self-expression, the parents may not want to limit their behaviour in any way. In some families, both parents are so busy that discipline, which takes time and consistency to be effective, gets lost in the rush.

But for their healthy development, kids need their mother and father to embrace this responsibility, to set rules, boundaries and standards of conduct. If you treat your children like your peers, granting them the same freedoms and choices you have as adults, not only will they feel insecure in the face of so many choices, but they may also eventually lose respect for you. Firm and consistent parental guidance is important to children, and kids welcome it, although they may not always acknowledge it. Even though your children appear to resent your refusal to let them do particular things, they will be more anxious if you don't set limits.

Redirection and consequences
With their improved memory and ability to make links, preschoolers benefit from the consistent application of clear consequences to forbidden actions. If your preschooler draws on the wall with her coloured crayons, you may first redirect her by giving her a sheet of paper on which she can draw. Then you give her an explanation. You tell her that, in your family, you don't draw pictures on walls; you draw pictures on paper and then put the paper pictures on the walls. If she does it again, don't nag or lecture. Just give her the explanation again and take away the crayons.

It's so tempting to nag: "I told you not to do that. Look at the mess. Now how are we going to get that off? Why would you do that, anyway?" But first of all, you're wasting your breath because she's not ready to understand what you say -- What mess? It's my work! Why would you want to remove it? -- and second, you may actually make the situation worse. Some experts consider that lecturing a three-year-old is counterproductive.

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