Chuckle of the Day

[Golden Eagle]

WHITE LIE CAKE

Have you ever told a white lie? You are going to love this,

Especially all of those who bake for church events.

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies' Group in Tuscaloosa

But forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered the morning of the bake sale; and, after rummaging

Through cabinets, found an angel food cake mix & quickly made it while drying her

hair, dressing, & helping her son pack for Scout camp.

When Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat

And the cake was horribly disfigured.

She thought, 'Oh dear, there is not time to bake another cake.'

This cake was important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at

her new church and in her new community of friends.

So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to

build up the center of the cake.

Alice found it in the bathroom-a roll of toilet paper.

She plunked it in and covered it with icing.

Not only did the finished product look beautiful,

It looked perfect.

Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for

work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific

instructions to be at the bake sale the moment it opened at 9:30

and to buy the cake and bring it home.

When Amanda arrived at the sale, she found the attractive, perfect cake had

Already been sold.

She grabbed her cell phone and called her mom.

Alice was horrified- she was beside herself. Everyone would know!

What would they think?

She would be ostracized, talked about, and ridiculed!

All night, Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people

Pointing fingers at her and talking about her behind her back.

The next day, Alice promised herself she would try not to think

About the cake and would attend the fancy luncheon / bridal shower at the home of a

Fellow church member and try to have a good time.

Alice did not want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than

Once had looked down her nose at Alice because she was a single parent and not from

the founding families of Tuscaloosa but, having already RSVP'd, she couldn't think of a

believable excuse to stay home.

The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South and, to Alice's

horror, the cake in question was presented for dessert!

Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake!

She started out of her chair to tell the hostess all about it, but before she could get to her

feet, the Mayor's wife said, 'What a beautiful cake!'

Alice still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess

(who was a prominent church member)say, 'Thank you, I baked it myself.'

Alice smiled and thought to herself, 'God is good.'
_________________
Be an organ donor; give your heart to Jesus.
Exercise daily; walk with the Lord.

[InkiePinkie]

I LOVED this!
Thanks for sharing... I'm forwarding it to many of my friends

[Sonia C]

I don't normally like long jokes but couldn't resist this one as a few of these have happened when I was in an elevator. I had to delete a few that were IMO not appropriate
I hope this re-ignites this thread - it is a good one.

50 Fun Things to Do in an Elevator

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to
other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering:
"Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
4. Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the
elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask:
"Got enough air in there?"
9. Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors
open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
13. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay
open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at
the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then
announce: "I've got new socks on!"
18. When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not
now, damn motion sickness!"

20. Meow occassionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
25. Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
28. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through"
it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "is that your
beeper?"
34. Play the harmonica.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say "Ding!" at each floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the
other passengers that this is your "personal space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see
whats in muh mouf?"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.

46. Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
50. If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
_________________
Cheers!

--------------------------------------
When worries call, hang up.
Life is a gift. Open the box and enjoy!

[Sonia C]

EVER WONDER ....
Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin ?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do 'practice'?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections ?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

AND THE BEST FOR LAST....
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?
_________________
Cheers!

--------------------------------------
When worries call, hang up.
Life is a gift. Open the box and enjoy!

[Sonia C]

A lady is having dinner at a Chinese restaurant, and is fascinated by the lovely Chinese characters drawn on the menu. One of them in particular captures her attention, so she carefully traces it with a piece of paper.

She then takes her tracing to the local printer to have it printed on a nice t-shirt. Her t-shirt is one of her favorite things to wear, and she receives many compliments on the lovely Chinese art.

One day, she is wearing her favorite t-shirt as she is out shopping, when she is approached by an Asian gentleman. He comments on her shirt, and says, "By the way, do you know what it means?" Intrigued, she replied, "No, I don't know what it means....but I've always wondered. Do you happen to know what it means?"

He then smiled, and said, "Cheap, but good"
_________________
Cheers!

--------------------------------------
When worries call, hang up.
Life is a gift. Open the box and enjoy!

[ovesna2009]

Before marriage:
She : Hi
He : Oh, I've been waiting this ...
She : You want me to go ?
He : no, Not at all
She : do you love me ?
He : of course, big time
She : you picked the wrong woman ??
He : no, why do you say that ?
She : you wanna kiss me ?
He : every time I see you !!
She : you wanna slap me ??
He : are you crazy ? never
She : can I trust you ?
He : yes
She : My love
...
after marriage
Read the same text upwards ...
_________________
East or West myspace glitter graphics the best!

[Sonia C]

Husband installation......


A desperate woman writes to the Technical support Guy,


Dear Tech Support ,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed
a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in
the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly
under Boyfriend 5..0 .

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable
programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and FOOTBALL 4.1 .

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2. 6 simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman

****************************************************************************

DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while
Husband 1.0 is an operating system.

Please enter command: i thought you loved me..html and try to download

Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause
Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 , Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1 .

Whatever yo do, DO NOT under any circumstances install
Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually
seize control of all your system resources.)

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly..
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and
performance. We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.

Good Luck Madam!
_________________
Cheers!

--------------------------------------
When worries call, hang up.
Life is a gift. Open the box and enjoy!