Father's Bad Hobby

[mouse]

bel-jean:Do you and your Mother have the type of rel.that you can share things with her?If yes,then perhaps you could get creative to thinkup a way to broach the subject with her?I do agree that it is almost startling to find out that one of your parents actually do this sort of thing.I am not saying it's wrong(because it's not)but it's just that one doesn't ever think that their parent(s)would do this.All the best,keep your chin up,and let us know how things are going...

[wnjg]

Yes bel jean I think you should leave this alone.You are to young to be taking the responsibility of your whole family on your shoulders(I do admire your integraty for trying and caring so much),but this is an issue for your parents to handle and it's not up to you to tell anyone anything.I know that now that you know it is hard to ignore and I know you are affraid to lose your mother,but I find it very unfair and immature of her to keep hanging it over your heads that if anything goes wrong she is gone.
I think the best thing you can do right now is to walk away from the whole thing,good or bad dissisions your parents are adults and responssible for their own acctions and the end they will do what ever they want to.

[bel_jean]

Well right now I have not done anything yet. I am simply leaving things alone for now since I have no idea what I should do or if I should even do anything. I have not decided anything really.
I do not think my mother to be unfair or immature. She only says this when she is very mad at us, and she does not hang it over our heads. She simply wants to escape to a better place when she gets into a fight with us because she hates fighting. Hong Kong is her home and she just misses it so its the first place she thinks about probably. This is what I think though.

[mouse]

[bel_jean]

It's nice of you to ask mouse thank you.
Truthfully I have been just trying to keep myself busy with my friends. Having fun keeps my mind off of all my problems. My family is getting along alright. My brother doesn't seem to be mad at my father and I hardly think about the issue. I admit sometimes the thought "Is he really going out with friends or seeing another woman?" pops into my head when he says he's going out. I suppose I see my father differently now.

[mouse]

[Chatty Cat]

OP just because you are related to someone doesn't give you the right to meddle in their lives and try to control their behaviour.

Your father and mother are the parents and you and your brothers are the children - even though over the age of majority, you still depend on them for a roof over your head and food in your belly and so are still the child in this dynamic.

As such, authority and responsibility flow from them to you and not the other way around. You'll get your chance to be the boss when they are too old to take care of themselves. (Before everyone takes offense - remember this is not an issue of a crime being committed or abuse or something - that kind of thing would be an exception to this way of viewing what's appropriate in this instance)

You make a lot of judgements and assumptions regarding both of your parents and if you were my kid, I'd be telling you to mind your own business!

What makes you think that your mother doesn't already know about your father's internet searches? Many women, like myself, don't have a problem with their guy looking, as long as it doesn't take away from other things like an obsession.
What makes you think that your father doesn't know he's leaving his history behind? For all you know, he's leaving it there deliberately because he's hoping to catch your brothers looking so it can spark a discussion about sex, safety, relationships, etc... He has two teenage sons afterall who probably think Dad is way too uncool to talk to about these things. Why not consider the possibility that your parents aren't complete idiots?

Your reaction to your father's behaviour highlights how young and lacking in experience you are, which while sweet, also lends a really judgemental tone to your comments and you seem to think you know better than your parents - tragic consequence of being an adolescent - you will outgrow it thankfully!

I would put the matter out of your mind and deal with your own responsibilities. I mean if you found your Dad's credit card bill on the table, would you lie in bed at night trying to figure out how to pay it? You're only interested in his internet use because you've made a negative judgement against that behaviour and are young enough to think it concerns you.

If your younger brother can't get past the "it's none of his business" idea, then I would recommend that you tell your brother to talk to his father about his concerns - he is the parent afterall, not you! And you could try same, but don't be suprised if you get a stern lecture about respecting other people's privacy. I mean what if your father borrowed your cell one day and accidently stumbled upon a text or a pic he didn't like? How would you feel about him telling the whole family and then telling you how you'd better change your ways?

Respect is a two way street kiddo!

[mouse]

chattycat:Yes,respect is very important,especially when one is posting something...

[bel_jean]

Chatty Cat - I understand your point of view although I do not agree with most of what you have said.