Beat the holiday blues

Being a supportive spouse
Paolo's tactics for helping Pam include massaging her back, brewing her cups of tea and patiently waiting for her to get better. "You can't tell someone to cheer up or snap out it. That can make it worse and show you don't understand the condition," he says.

Paolo has learned to spot the warning signs in his wife. For example, Pam, who is usually quite social, will avoid get-togethers and become unusually tired and listless. That's when Paolo does his best to be extra-attentive without being overbearing.

Arming yourself with information on people who feel depressed and sad around Christmas can also help. Learning as much as you can from books, Internet sites and professional groups goes a long way in figuring out how best to help a spouse, friend or colleague who is feeling sad and depressed.

For many people, the holiday season can magnify an already emotional crisis, says Patricia Harnisch, associate director of the Distress Centre of Toronto. For people who are trying to cope with a difficulty in life, such as a job loss, the holidays can be a time when they feel depressed if this crisis is mixed with expectations of holiday gift giving and socializing. "During this busy time of year, your normal resilience can be stretched to the limit. Being able to talk to someone can help put things in perspective," says Harnisch.

What's driving the blues?
Feeling down during the holidays is caused by a mix of both physiological and social factors, says Dr. Robert Levitan, associate professor of psychiatry at the University of Toronto. Financial problems, rekindling old conflicts in dysfunctional families, being alone when others are seeing loved ones or the guilt of avoiding relatives this time of year can trigger a lot of miserable and complex feelings.

For some the problem is worse than just the blahs. About three out of every 100 people suffer a severe form of seasonal affective disorder (SAD), which is linked to the changing amount of daylight in the winter -- not the holiday season -- while 10 to 20 per cent experience a milder form. The amount of daylight seems to influence the balance of certain mood chemicals, such as serotonin, in the brain. Some people are just more sensitive to changes in daylight. Interestingly, the day with the least amount of light -- Dec. 21 -- seems to mark the point at which SAD starts to gradually worsen for the season, and it's just after New Year's when mood disorder clinics see a high number of SAD cases, says Levitan.

Watch for the signs
As for what to watch for, Dr. Raymond Lam, a professor of psychiatry at the University of British Columbia in Vancouver, says to keep your eyes open for signs of atypical behaviour. "Watch for changes in eating and sleeping habits, and if the person loses interest in things that normally interest him," he says.
Listlessness, frequent crying, irritability and moodiness can be signs that help is needed. Find it from:

• a crisis centre (check the phone book for contact information);
• your family doctor; or
• the local hospital emergency room.

A general tip for this time of year is to not feel like you have to do everything. "Be realistic," about what you can accomplish, says Lam. At the same time, however, the answer is not to avoid everything either. "Maybe schedule things differently," suggests Lam.

For Pam and Paolo, that's exactly what they do. If Pam is having a bad season, they reduce the number of cocktail parties and social visits they go to. Sometimes Paolo goes out solo, or he stays in and they have a quiet night at home instead. It never hurts to take a night off from the holidays.
*Names have been changed.

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