Happy new you! How to love yourself this year

5. "Look what happened to that little girl I read about in the paper. What if someone follows my daughter home?"
Do you get caught up in all the tragedies you hear about on the news? Do you replay situations or conversations and get upset all over again? If a friend harped on the way you harp on yourself, you'd think nothing of putting a stop to it. You'd say something like: "That's enough" or "Give it a rest!" It's a challenge to stop that broken record being played in your head, but it is possible. You can block upsetting thoughts from taking over your mind. You can learn to shut that voice off.

Here's how: yell at yourself when you hear those unwanted thoughts. That's right, shout something like: "Stop it," "Enough" or "Cut it out!" It needs to be sharp and jarring to catch your attention, so you might want to do it when you're alone. You can gradually give yourself these instructions in a quieter tone -- or even silently -- as long as it interrupts those unwanted thoughts.

6. "Why on earth did I invite Bob and Barb along on our holiday? This is going to be a terrible two weeks."
This is not a good sign. You just signed up for a two-week Mediterranean cruise next fall and you're already having second thoughts. Why get ahead of yourself by worrying about things so far down the road? If things don't work out on the cruise, you can deal with it then. Don't start worrying ahead of time.

Look at it another way: You're going on vacation to somewhere you've never been before. Why spoil the anticipation and preparation? Change your inner voice to repeat: "I've always wanted to visit Greece with all its exotic beauty. Bob and Barb have always been friendly to me. They seemed eager to come along. And we don't have to spend all our time together. There'll be other people on the cruise to hang out with."

7. "I was looking forward to seeing Marnie at this year's conference, but she hasn't even had time for coffee. I guess I'm not as important as these other people."
Is this a conclusion you'd jump to? Maybe you doubt yourself. Perhaps you need to start looking beyond yourself for explanations of other people's behaviour. With everyone so busy in this hectic world, it's easy to overlook other people's motives sometimes and not see their true intentions.

You can avoid jumping to conclusions by changing your mind-set. The situation described above can be viewed in a totally different context. For example: "Marnie looks pretty frazzled. I guess she's got a lot on the go right now. Maybe she didn't see me as she whizzed by." Or, "She knew we'd have a chance to catch up later so she just kept going. I've had that happen, where I'm late to get somewhere, and I run into someone I know and really like but just don't have the time to stop. I'll catch up with Marnie when she's got time to visit."