Happy new you! How to love yourself this year

8. "I can't relax with a cup of tea and the paper until I've done the supper dishes."
Who wrote that one anyway? What's wrong with a little rest and relaxation before doing the chores? Restrictions can be tiring. In some cases, "Work should come before pleasure" becomes "Work instead of pleasure." No wonder you have no balance in your life.

Now, maybe it's time to stand up to those "shoulds" and "musts." People who do that seem to enjoy more freedom. It's not too late to start playing by a different set of rules; your old beliefs might not be "the truth" after all.

Let's hear that inner voice say something like: "I should be able to do something for myself every day. I should start taking better care of myself. It's healthy to make sure my needs get met, too. I work hard -- I deserve some leisure, recreation and fun." Those can be your new beliefs for the new year.

9. "Jennie was 20 minutes late for lunch -- again. No matter how mad I get, she never learns."
There you go again, expecting Jennie to change -- even getting your hopes up by talking to her -- only to end up disappointed and angry once again. There's something wrong with the picture of Jennie breezing in late for lunch calm as a cucumber while you're the one who's stressed out and a mess. If you can't fix her, maybe you should fix yourself. Start by changing your response to events that you can't actually change. It's not great that Jennie's never on time, but if that's the way she operates, it's better to change your expectations to match that reality.

So your new inner voice would say something like: "Oh, Jennie's late again. That's just Jennie being Jennie. I knew she'd be late so I brought a book and didn't schedule any early appointments this afternoon."

10. "What's the point of dieting if I eat something that's not allowed. That's blowing the whole thing. I might as well start pigging out on junk food then."
Do you live in an all-or-nothing world? Is a movie either a wow or a dud? Do you put people on a pedestal and then, if they disappoint you, put them in the gutter? Don't worry, you can pull yourself away from such a rigid, polarized world. Life will be a lot easier with some flexible thinking.

Here's how to start a new way of thinking: "Most things are not black and white but fall pretty much in a grey zone. Everybody has weak moments. One cookie or a missed day at the gym doesn't mean the whole thing's a failure. In fact, a little flexibility is probably healthier than being rigid as a robot. Loosen up a little. You're still on track."

So there it is: 10 ways you can reprogram the little voice in your head to create a new mind-set for the new year. Start working with these ideas now, implementing them gradually. See how they help lift your spirits and reduce your stress. They'll also allow you to become what all of us need to be: our own best friend.