How to have an imperfect Christmas

Even for those of us who aren't maladaptive perfectionists – noted for their controlling behaviour, unachievable standards and inability to adapt – the drive for perfection can taint the holiday. "We're an achievement-oriented society and that creates a lot of anxiety," says April Clay, a Calgary- based psychologist. "Everything at Christmas reminds us of outcomes we feel we should buy into."

Parents are particularly susceptible, says Flett, because they may be facing divorce, financial stress and seasonal blues, and this reminds them that things are not perfect. "You see parents overcompensating," he says. "The parents scaled the peak…and they get upset when the kids don't react as they want them to."

To turn a nerve-racking experience into one that is imperfect but fulfilling, Flett suggests questioning what really matters. "Is it the perfectly cooked turkey and beautiful table? Or is it enjoying the people around you? Learn to strive for excellence, not perfection. Ask for help. Saving energy to enjoy the holiday is really important."

For Jean, following this advice meant having the time to reflect on the wonder of Christmas through her then three-year-old son, Griffin. "Instead of hyperventilating in the kitchen because I forgot something, I got to sit back and enjoy Christmas for what it is – love, friends and family."

Wondering how to make your Christmas a little more imperfect? Here are some thoughts.

Decide what you want from the holiday, then write down a plan to do it. "Keep your attention to detail and your energy," says April Clay, a Calgary-based psychologist, "but replace 'perfect Christmas' with something you really want, like 'restful' or 'fun.'"

A few weeks before the event, send out a group e-mail with a detailed potluck list, based on known skills and preferences.

You love the delft pattern you inherited, but an informal Christmas dinner may not be the place to use it, especially for a big crowd with youngsters. Most dollar stores carry cheap-and-cheerful china and cutlery that can be used for other big events. You may be hosting dinner for a regiment, but ask your guest chefs to cook for a platoon. "I told everyone to prepare for 22, but we had too much leftover food," says Jean, who suggests cooking for 60 to 70 per cent of your guests. "This year, I'll ask them to cook for 15."

What to do when dinner's still an hour away – and everyone's salivating in the kitchen. Occupy guests with a few simple, family-oriented games, such as:

• 20 Christmas Questions: Write out questions such as, "What was your favourite toy?" Place them in a bowl. Each guest gets to answer one.

• Christmas Pictionary: On index cards, write out easy-to-hard Christmas-themed words such as "Santa," "ornament" or "carols." Divide guests into teams, hand out paper and pencils, and take turns drawing and guessing.

Read more:
• 14 easy appetizers
• A personal coach's tips for managing holiday stress
• Canadian Living's 50-day holiday countdown

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