When I sat in my family doctor's office to hear the biopsy results, he was directly across from me. Without looking at me, he said, "There are good lumps and bad lumps; you have a bad lump."
People were quick to tell me that the survival rate for Hodgkin's was relatively good. But in our family, the track record with this disease was anything but good.
Nobody knew what to say to me. People smiled, but I knew what they were thinking: Will she die as quickly as her brother? What's going to happen to her children?
The first Sunday after my diagnosis, my mom and I decided to go to church. It was during a cancer fund-raising campaign, and on the cover of the program was a picture a daffodil, along with words describing how we miss our loved ones who didn't make it. That touched a chord and made me cry. And when the pastor introduced communion, both my mom and I started to bawl our eyes out – she cried because she didn't want to lose another child, and I cried because I wasn't ready to die.
Beating cancer through visualization
When the pastor learned of my diagnosis, he gave me a copy of Getting Well Again by Dr. O. Carl Simonton. The book discusses using visualization techniques to conquer cancer. I started practising some of these techniques. In my mind, I would send in little Pac-men to gobble up the cancer and create healthy cells in their place. These exercises gave me the strength to face the following days and months.
After a battery of tests – blood work, X-rays, a bone marrow biopsy and a lymphangiogram (where dye is injected into the lymph system) – I was admitted to the hospital for a procedure to determine the extent of the Hodgkin's and involvement of the organs. After the test results came back, I was told that I needed 40 radiation treatments. According to my doctor, I would lose most of my hair; experience burns inside my throat and under my arms; lose my appetite; have a dry mouth; have problems with my bowels; probably become sterile; lose weight and strength; and possibly lose some lung function. I would also have to cope with the daily commute to and from Vancouver for treatments.
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