It was my son's Grade 8 graduation in the spring of 2007 that helped me realize I might do more than just "survive." During the ceremony I heard his name called to receive the award for most improved student. Amid the loud cheers from his fellow graduates, I was overcome with pride.
But the true breakthrough moment came while driving alone later that night. I caught a glimpse of myself in the rearview mirror and realized that I was smiling. It wasn't a forced smile – the kind you put on when people are around – but a genuine smile that only comes with true happiness.
I will always feel sadness over the loss of my daughter, but I hope that as I carve out a place for her to live forever in my heart, it's a sadness that won't bind me. I am forever changed, but it would be a great disservice to Elizabeth's memory if I allowed that change to be a negative one. I will honour her by embracing the softer, more empathetic person that I have become and by being the best mother possible to her brother and sister, and any other children that may come.
Stillbirths: Causes
In about 20 per cent of stillbirths, the cause is unknown; in the rest, a number of factors can contribute to the death. Sometimes there is more than one cause.
Among the known causes are:
• Birth defects. About 15 to 20 per cent of stillborn babies have one or more birth defects. Nearly half of these have chromosomal abnormalities, such as Down syndrome.
• Chronic health conditions. About 10 per cent of stillbirths are linked to conditions such as high blood pressure, diabetes or kidney disease in the mother.
• Umbilical cord problems. Accidents involving the umbilical cord (for example, a knot, blood clot or multiple loops) may contribute to about 15 per cent of stillbirths.
• Placental abruption. This is a condition in which the placenta partially or completely peels away from the uterine wall before delivery.
• Infections. Bacterial or viral infections involving the placenta, the fetus or mother (for example, genital or urinary tract infections) are involved in about 10 to 25 per cent of stillbirths.
• Obesity. Women who are significantly overweight seem to be at increased risk of having a stillborn baby.
Risk factors for stillbirth include:
• Smoking;
• Drinking alcohol; and
• Using street drugs during pregnancy.
These are often linked to low maternal education and poverty.
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