Treating people right

Visit our forums to chat about parenting with other Canadian Living readers!

Look Mom, he has purple hair!
Stating the obvious at inopportune times is something many children do well. Unfortunately, handling those innocent comments at awkward moments is something most parents do not do well.

These days, diversity is increasingly common in our homes, communities, workplaces and countries. As a result, awkward moments happen more and more often. For adults, learning how to manage those situations so that we can help our children feel comfortable dealing with people who are different is very important.

Most of us, regardless of our age, experience immediate emotional reactions when we encounter something new or different. This is normal. These emotions can be positive or negative and include empathy, fearfulness, curiosity and excitement.

It's not the emotional response to differences that is the problem. In fact, feeling nothing, failing to notice or not responding to someone at all can be a more serious problem. Learning to express our feelings about diversity politely is the real issue.

It's the attitude and the behaviours that usually follow the emotion that cause problems. We can't always control the behaviour of others so one of the most important things we can teach and practice is RESPECT.

If children are taught that we are all equal on a human level and that everyone (and some people would say every living thing, too) deserves respect no matter what, that attitude will usually come through in their actions. For example, when a child is respectful but a child's words are inappropriate -- for example, he/she says, "Mom, that lady is fat," or "he can't talk right," or "that man's hair is funny," the child's tone and non-verbal communication will probably send an appropriate message. It will be obvious that the child is making a comment, not a judgment.

And what's wrong with stating the obvious? It doesn't seem right to chastise a child for being honest. The man with the big tattoo knows he has the tattoo, the girl with Tourettes knows she has Tourettes, the senior citizen knows he's old relative to the child and someone who is a little heavier knows it too. A child stating those things isn't so bad, but making faces, staring and running away is.

Page 1 of 2