The family meal

On the spur of the moment, can you transform a dinner for four into a dinner for seven? Adding a pasta dish is quick, especially if it's frozen and all you have to do is pop it into the microwave. Don't overburden yourself. Make the most of the extra hands, and have them set the table and help with cleanup. Feeding the neighbourhood kids can be costly. If your son is always having dinner at his friend's, drop off a lasagna to let the friend's parents know you acknowledge the cost as well as their effort.

When your kids reach adolescence, you can take manners a few steps beyond "no elbows on the table." Discuss how to politely refuse a food you detest, and how and when to use the full range of utensils in a place setting. Try not to correct your teen at the table, since teens are ultra-sensitive to criticism. Instead, catch her doing something right.

Make conversation the focus of your family meal, not eating. But parents have so much advice to give their children that it can be tempting to turn family dinners into a lecture series. Advice and reprimands are bad for digestion. They squelch the possibility of meaningful dialogue. Give it a break at dinner.

If your teen doesn't have to be on the defensive, she might tell you more than you really want to know. "Pass the salt, and did you know that Sally got her navel pierced in a tattoo parlour?" Most parents can't listen for sixty seconds without giving advice or trying to fix the problem, as they perceive it. Set a goal of listening intently for one full minute to what your child has to say. No need to ask questions or interrogate as she goes along in her story.

Teens can offer a fresh, exciting perspective on the world. If you disagree with her views on global warming, don't cut her off. Try saying "I'd like to think that one over" or "I see how you could feel that way" or "That certainly is a unique way of looking at the problem." Yes, you can make it all the way through to dessert without a blowup.