I scored a small victory with my husband, which I'd like to share. It took persistence, subtle cajoling and, I'll admit it, some outright nagging, but I got Len to go to the doctor – and more than once. That's no small feat considering only 39 per cent of Canadian men go for a physical examination on a regular basis, according to a survey by Ipsos-Reid. What's more, 22 per cent of men say they have not been for a checkup in at least five years. Dr. Mel Borins, a family physician in Toronto, adds that many men "have to be on their deathbeds" before they’ll make the dreaded trip.
What is it with men and doctors?
Family physicians say a number of factors keep our mates from the doctor's office, including fears of the unknown (What if there is something wrong with me?) and of medical procedures (Will I have to have a rectal exam?), a reluctance to ask for help and a mixture of denial and apathy (I know I'm fine – no worries). "Most women see their doctors regularly during their reproductive years to talk about birth control and have Pap tests and breast examinations, but men don't develop the same relationship," adds Dr. Alan Katz, associate professor for the departments of family medicine and community health sciences at the University of Manitoba in Winnipeg.
My quest to get my guy, who is 44, to see his physician regularly began five years ago, after our second child was born. I had broached the topic before, with no success, but somehow the arrival of another child made me think more seriously about Len's health. A close girlfriend shares the same situation. She says she booked an appointment for her husband to have an annual checkup while she was pregnant with her second son, who is now six. He did go once, but she doesn't think he's been back since.
The pivotal "aha" moment for me came when I was standing in our kitchen with our daughters underfoot. I had just finished a telephone survey on health care and as I put the phone down and looked over at our girls, I thought, We have two little children who are completely dependent on us. They want their mom and dad to be around for a long time. I want my husband to be around – and healthy – for a long time, too. It was then that I made it my mission to get Len to the doctor. (I quickly learned that getting kids to the doctor is much easier, mostly because they don't make car seats with harness restraints for grown men.)
My plan was to ask Len every couple of weeks – often sweetly, but sometimes with sarcasm – if he had made "that appointment" yet. It took numerous prompts and about two months just to get him to write "Kathryn says I should phone the doctor" in his day timer. By the time Len had been for one physical, which was about 10 months after I began my efforts, it was time to start planting the seed for his next visit. But, hey, at least now he goes for regular checkups (OK, maybe not regular but at least once every 18 months or so) – albeit with my ongoing encouragement.
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