Rebound dating
Esther Kane, a Courtenay, B.C.-based psychotherapist who has counseled many women going through divorce, says dating soon after your divorce has its pros – as well as cons.
According to Kane, some of the pros include:
• An immediate boost to self-esteem;
• feeling attractive again;
• having fun;
• feeling younger and free again; and
• realizing divorce doesn't mean the end of future relationships.
On the other hand, says Kane, cons of dating sooner rather than later include:
• Becoming attached to someone who's just not that into you, or vice versa;
• feeling empty afterwards – and missing your ex even more;
• opening yourself up to being treated badly ("When we jump into bed with someone we don't know, we never know what we're getting into," says Kane); and
• health risks, such as STDs or unplanned pregnancy.
Waiting to date
Heather Williamson (not her real name), a mother of two who got divorced in 2001, started a new relationship even before her divorce was finalized. Ironically, she wasn't looking to date at all after the dissolution of her nine-year-long relationship (which included six years of marriage). Heather regards herself as having "waited," having resisted attempts by friends to set her up even sooner.
"I was focused on raising my kids [then a baby and a preschooler] and making money to support them," says Heather, whose ex was reneging on child support at the time. "My work schedule was crazy and included a lot of travel. I couldn't even think about dating."
Nonetheless, over the course of several months, friends pressured Heather to go out with a guy they felt was her perfect match. She resisted, but finally caved when a coworker, knowing of her hectic schedule, commented that "if I went out on the blind date with this guy, I'd be able to at least sit down and eat a full meal without multitasking," she says.
Heather went on the date and had a great time. Eight years later, Heather and her "rebound guy" own a house together, are engaged to be married – and are parents of a baby girl.
Page 1 of 2 – Why Heather's relationship worked on Page 2
