I'm depressed. I don't understand why. I mean it's supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year". I'm supposed to be rejoicing - jumping up and down on Oprah's couch kind of happy. But I'm not. The school year is upon us and the kids have gone back. I miss them. I miss being able to pack up first thing in the morning and spend the entire day at the beach. I miss the long car-ride conversations. I miss running through the sprinkler. I miss playing outside until dusk. I miss the endless sleep overs. I miss the evening bike rides. I miss looking at the dog days of summer through the eyes of my children. The first week back to school was tough. Endless forms to fill out and papers to sign. Endless lunches to pack and fall sweaters to search for. Endless schedules to adhere to. I wasn't ready. I'm still not ready. The kids seem Ok. I see clean faces and excited anticipation as they head out the door. I hear joyful screams as they approach the schoolyard. I see them dive into their homework with enthusiasm. They're adjusting to the routine quite nicely. Why am I not? I want to freeze time. Life's moving to quickly. My baby is in grade 1. My firstborn is in high school an my only son is old enough to walk home from school on his own - all great milestones that should have me thrilled. But they don't. They're growing up. They're growing away. I'm not ready.