After a long day wrestling with the dishwasher, chauffeuring the kids to soccer practice and cooking a meal to rival that of the Naked Chef guy, the last thing on your mind is performing a striptease for your husband. If your sex life has gone the way of acid wash jeans, here are 10 simple solutions to help rekindle the passion that brought the two of you together in the first place.
It just may be the most important aspect of a relationship but often the most difficult to do. After years of marriage, couples seem to forget to express how much they love and appreciate one another and this causes partners to drift apart, says Valerie Gibson, The Toronto Sun's sex & relationships columnist. "Sex is the glue that holds people together," Gibson says. "If you don't get what you want, communicate what you want!" It can be as simple as saying "I love you" or "this is what really turns me on."
2. A little privacy, please
Nothing kills intimacy like being interrupted by a cranky two-year-old so get a babysitter! If there are too many distractions at home, such as that pile of dishes in the sink to be washed, let the dishes wait and hit the town.
3. Keep it simple
Arranging a date is the key to spending time away from a busy household. However, Gibson warns couples to stay away from the movies. "You need stimulation," she says. "Face each other and talk over dinner." A weekend away is just the ticket for reconnecting and it doesn't have to break the bank. Weekend packages to nearby travel destinations are usually feasible and are "worth every penny if it helps inject desire in a marriage." No time or money? Do what comes naturally -- take a shower together or stroll hand-in-hand to the corner store.
Don't pressure yourself into expecting immediate fireworks. If it's an intimate dinner for two at home with the kids tucked safely away at Aunt Jennie's, make sure your partner is not working late resulting in a spoiled mood and burned lasagna. Approach a night out -- or in -- as time spent with the one you love, not as a script that needs to be played out.
5. Be tender
If you and your partner have not had sex in a while, a surefire way to ignite desire is through touch. Begin by giving hugs or cuddling one another in front of the TV. When the time is right, Gibson recommends a sensual massage with the aid of aromatherapy oils to stimulate closeness.
Page 1 of 2 -- Discover creative ways to heat up your sex life – including a discreet adult shopping website and expert-recommended books on page 2.
6. Be creative
You don't have to ditch the school bake sale for tantric sex classes, but remember that there are a variety of sex positions to enjoy. Expand your knowledge by visiting a store or website that specializes in products to enhance sexuality. Good For Her, a company that specializes in making uneasy customers feel comfortable about buying a range of sex toys, books, videos is a great choice and, best of all, you can shop online at goodforher.com.
According to Chanelle Gallant, manager of the Toronto location, vibrators and massage oils are good tools to "help couples reconnect." For those who are apprehensive about sexual hardware, check out the numerous book titles at your local book store that may cater to your specific interests. Here are Gallant's recommendations: Life's Too Short for Tantric Sex: 50 Shortcuts to Sexual Ectasy by Kate Taylor and Secrets of the Sexually Satisfied Woman: Ten Keys to Unlocking Ultimate Pleasure by Laura Berman and Jennifer Berman.
While creativity in the bedroom can be a sure way to heat up your bedroom, Remember the first point mentioned: Communicate. It may not be a good idea to surprise your partner with a naughty video if such a gesture can be overwhelming. It's a good idea to discuss what you would like to try before leaping into the bedroom in studded leather.
7. Wanting to be wanted
Let your partner know you desire him or her. "By stimulating your sex life, you show you desire [your partner]," Gibson says. "Women and men must be desired." Remember how it felt when you first met your partner? Rekindle those feelings and flirt a little.
8. Seek support
Nothing kills the mood more than feeling unappreciated. If you're busy with household chores, encourage your partner to help around the house so you can free up time that you can then spend together.
9. Seek medical advice
Women who are approaching menopause often notice their libido plummets. Sex becomes boring and that, says Gibson, is something women don't have to suffer through. She recommends seeking out treatments (like hormone replacement therapy or herbal remedies) that will recharge sexual feelings.
No matter what your shape, feeling comfortable in your own skin is a definite turn on. However, regular exercise will increase those love-happy endorphins that will put you in the mood for some lovin'. If a date at the gym is not your idea of a good time, a stroll around the block holding your partner's hand, says Gibson, is "time well spent."
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